โ there is lots to like in the fellowship that has provided me this new manner of living โ
Posted: Wed, Mar 10, 2010 08:29:15 AM
HOWEVER, the heart of this recovery program is the Twelve Steps -- in fact, they are the program! well as i sit here this morning i have a number of competing thoughts, there first is that today i can talk about working the steps, and instead of using some form of past tense, i can say i am currently engaged in formal step work. more on that a bit later as i need to clean up some of the other trains of thought.
so where was i? oh yeah in the here and now, and actually formally working a step. now that i am done with my distractions i can get down to brass tacks, so to speak. i have always been puzzled how my peers who choose not to work steps stay clean. not that i am any whirlwind through the 12 steps myself. after taking a four month hiatus between step cycles, i can see how it is done, one day at a time. there is that bit of sophistry that i work steps 10, 11, and 12 everyday and it takes a quick trip through steps 1,2 and 3 to get my day started, so i am actually always practicing the program, therefore formal step work is not that high of a priority. i get that, as i have just lived that. it is true that i was not entirely nuts as my maintenance program is sound BUT i also did not GROW as much as was possible. when i stop growing, i start going, going anywhere but in the direction that is my own true will for myself. so as i started working the step one the other evening, i was struck about how blind i was to the latest and greatest manifestation of my addiction. i am not quite ready to share that yet in this forum, but that day will come as i lance that particular boil on my spiritual backside.
anyhow, i am grateful that i have become willing again, i am excited about where this new step cycle will take me, and quite honestly i am more than a bit scared of what will be revealed. all of that aside, it is where i want to go, and it is what i want to be doing, actively participating in all phases of my recovery, one day at a time. so off to the streets then to the doctor’s office for my annual physical, then who knows, it is after=er all another day in the life, and so far a good one to boot.
TY P, congrats on 15 years clean today!
Derek R, thank you for the call last night, it was nice to hear from you, and i hope i can help you find your way back to our fellowship, speaking only for myself, i do miss you.so where was i? oh yeah in the here and now, and actually formally working a step. now that i am done with my distractions i can get down to brass tacks, so to speak. i have always been puzzled how my peers who choose not to work steps stay clean. not that i am any whirlwind through the 12 steps myself. after taking a four month hiatus between step cycles, i can see how it is done, one day at a time. there is that bit of sophistry that i work steps 10, 11, and 12 everyday and it takes a quick trip through steps 1,2 and 3 to get my day started, so i am actually always practicing the program, therefore formal step work is not that high of a priority. i get that, as i have just lived that. it is true that i was not entirely nuts as my maintenance program is sound BUT i also did not GROW as much as was possible. when i stop growing, i start going, going anywhere but in the direction that is my own true will for myself. so as i started working the step one the other evening, i was struck about how blind i was to the latest and greatest manifestation of my addiction. i am not quite ready to share that yet in this forum, but that day will come as i lance that particular boil on my spiritual backside.
anyhow, i am grateful that i have become willing again, i am excited about where this new step cycle will take me, and quite honestly i am more than a bit scared of what will be revealed. all of that aside, it is where i want to go, and it is what i want to be doing, actively participating in all phases of my recovery, one day at a time. so off to the streets then to the doctor’s office for my annual physical, then who knows, it is after=er all another day in the life, and so far a good one to boot.
∞ DT ∞