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and my heart to accept the POWER that fuels my recovery, is certainly a worthy task for my attention these days, especially since i am about to embark on a THIRD STEP journey, into some very unstable terra incognita, at least from my first peek at what my path may be bringing. why do i think this journey is about to open up to unseen vistas? well, if one were to look through the progression of my thoughts on this topic, over the course of the years, there has been a very steady progression form what i thought this whole HIGHER POWER “concept” was all about, to what i feel. i really do find it interesting when others say things like: “there are many paths up THE mountain.” i hear that and their good intentions often feel condescending and dismissive of my journey and struggles to find a spiritual path that fits me.
sitting here today, secure in where i ended up and looking forward to figuring out how it will all fit in my task to remove the ancient tales of woe and identity from who i have become, makes for very “interesting” times. i can intellectualize all i want to, but at least for this addict, putting words to my feelings, is so similar to the “GOD in a box,” that i once felt i NEEDED to have. i know that i once thought i need to define everything in my recovery and that need persists, it just has become less of my overarching concern. i know and accept that i am POWERLESS over my addiction. i know and accept that i need power from outside of me to stay clean today and i willingly ask for the that power on a daily basis.
in my state of financial turmoil, i could be spinning all sorts of yarns about what is and what is not. the simple facts are i allowed myself to be consumed by desire and am now paying the penalty for not being a bit more cynical,. i am not expecting a bail-out from GOD, nor am i running off to the convenience store to purchase hundreds of dollars of lottery tickets. what i am doing is making a budget, living below my means and looking for ways to supplement my income, by sacrificing a bit of my free time. life is certainly interesting for me today and i can certainly see the path out of the mess i have created, all i have to do is allow myself to okay knowing that my actions brought me to this point and only my actions and the guidance of the POWER that fuels my recovery, will raise me from the hole i have created.

∞ DT ∞