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guidelines, are just that, ideas that i can choose to follow, or not. for me, i took them as written in stone edicts about what the nature of my spiritual belief **should** be and made every attempt to make it fit. a whole lot of shaking was going on in those days and for the most part, my path was certainly the easier and softer way. i did not need to think for myself, as i could use the already chewed and digested ideas of my peers as my basis for a spiritual path. no matter how uncomfortable my spiritual “indigestion” got, i was going to tough it out, after all i was doing as they had done, because i wanted what they had. i stayed clean, but in this respect i resisted with all my might, the growth i might have experienced had i not crated to the lie that i was too broken to be myself.
at fifteen years clean, i had a revelation that freed me from the edicts i created and allowed me to develop the notions that were always nagging at the back of my mine, specifically maybe, just maybe, no one will care if i find my own spiritual path and it does not look like the ones they ascribe to follow. my path does not preclude any sort of HIGHER POWER, but it is not centered around one either. i can have a POWER that fuels my recovery in my spiritual metaverse, without having to anthropomorphize that POWER. as a result, i may not be marching lockstep with my peers in recovery, but i am at least progressing on a spiritual path that brings me all that i need on a daily basis, and some of what i actually desire. the catch? well., the POWER that fuels my recovery does not “'tell” me what to do, nor does IT give me “signs.” ITs will, if one can call it that, is expressed in what happens on a daily basis. i am presented with opportunities that i can choose to follow. some of those will lead to what i want, some to what i need, but all of them are presented to me and are available to me, if i am awake, and in the present tense. they are not accompanied by drum-rolls, claps of thunder or burning bushes. they are accompanied by a feeling that maybe, this is something i need to consider, for my own welfare. the consequence for spiritually napping through one of these spiritual moments is that i may not get what is being offered, and i accept the penalty for being oblivious.
moving into this fine Saturday morning, it is time to take a tour of the neighborhood. bringing home the topic of my growing concept of GOD, i know that if i am true to myself i am fit to be true to all those in my life, even if they choose not to pay attention or give me permission to enjoy something that is part of what and who i am. they may be clueless and perhaps it is simply because they have no idea of who i am and are basing their comments on who i was. that is, however, beside the point. i am spiritually secure in embracing the what is, whatever that happens to be today.

∞ DT ∞