Blog entry for:

is shared by nearly every recovering addict around the world.
so here i sit staring at a mostly blank field, wondering what deep, witty and incise comments i can make on the state of my spiritual landscape after the i copied and pasted from the morning meditation, and quite honestly i am at a loss. for many reasons my mind is going in so many different directions it is hard for me to pin one train of thought down.... however i think i will try!
going back to the reading and my understanding of GOD as it has grown, i do not think that my problems are insignificant to ask GOD to help with today, the catch there is that i do not pray for specific things and events. i have not spent all this time working this program to come to understanding of GOD as Santa Claus! yes there are a few things in my personal life that i would love to be repaired, and if i was less healthy than i am, i would be all over them fixing, adjusting, promising and working things out. or i could get down on my knees and pray for GOD to fix them for me, i have found that doing that sometimes does not bring the results i desired or anticipated. but that is a topic for another day. what i find myself doing is praying for knowledge and the power to act on that knowledge. what i usually see happening is that the things i desire most to work out, do exactly that work out, in their own time, with the results much better than i could have manipulated out of the circumstances. expressing my FAITH by letting go is something new and different, and although i have heard this concept spoken about since the day i first was exposed to a program of recovery, it has taken me until right this moment to see that is how my belief has been developing since the day i decided to become an addict in recovery. does it make things any easier? on some levels, yes of course it does, but based on how i thought life, the universe and everything was set-up, it still feels like an alien concept to me. and that brings me back to the beginning -- the loving GOD -- and perhaps the end, after all solving the problems ion my life right now is beyond my capacity, time to let go and see what answers i get!

∞ DT ∞