Blog entry for:

well, the source material spoke of letting others love me, when i am hurting or going through intense feelings of loss, such as grieving the death of a loved one or family member. when i lost both of my grandmothers in my first year of recovery, i certainly was not ready to let any love in, but i accepted what i could, and many might have thought it was as if i was letting love in. it took a very long minute, before i was ready to accept love, much let others love me, but when i crossed through to that other side and was capable and desirous of getting and receiving love, my heart of ice, melted and became that much more human.
this morning, as i prepare to finish my weekly chores and go hang at the cigar store for a bit of football, i know that i am far from perfect in allowing others to love me. i still want to put up the walls that i once believed protected me from emotional harm, even though i know that “protection” was neither healthy nor foolproof, by any measure. i am better today at allowing others and that is where the HOPE lies. i certainly have more than a few opinions and i am still smarting about what to do about the newcomer that insists on changing the material we read that is directly from our literature. i know that he is doing the best that he can with what he has and our group is the means to show the justice system he is “serious” about doing something different. for me, admitting i am powerless to control what he feels or does, is the first part of releasing the feelings that may lead to a resentment. just for today, i will accept that he has a voice that needs to be heard and perhaps, his voice has something of a message that i need to hear. we will see what next week brings and i will wrap this up and head on over to enjoy an afternoon of pure relaxation.

∞ DT ∞