๐ in retrospect, ๐ฆ
Posted: Sun, Feb 10, 2019 12:03:13 PM
frolicking dolphins may not be in the plan of the day, but there are certainly better ways to have fun, rather than getting all F*cked Up Beyond All Recognition. it is true that not everything i did for fun, was related to my use of substances, but i was certainly of the opinion that things were better when i was high. living a life in recovery has given me the FREEDOM to learn how to do things, without getting wasted and it has not always been a linear journey to bliss.
what is fun today? well today, not a whole lot of things as i am “tethered” to my work laptop, just in case something goes wrong with the stuff i do for work. so i may get to get a walk with the dawg done as soon as i get the ticket from support at work addressing an e-mail issue. will that be “fun?” walking four miles all the time worrying about getting called, well actually i will not worry about that, but it will be on mind, may not be all that fun, but it is all part of being able to hike for fun this summer, as activity that i have been unable to do for quite some time, due to my general lack of fitness. i was more fit, when i was using or perhaps i did not care as looking fit was more important than being fit. the weird part of having the desire to get fit, is that when i was using, it just was not part of my consideration for the day. i ran so i could pound my running buddy into dust during the Bolder Boulder. i used the rowing machine so i would have the stamina to run a raft through Class III rapids.it was all a matter of looking good and although i would love to say that i do my fitness program just for me, there is a financial component to it. IF i maintain a level of fitness, i GET $750.00 deposited into my HSA account by my employer. money talks but if it was all about the bucks, i could have stopped last year after i got my money. the fact is, i like the results, as slow and as painful as they are. i am thinner, have more stamina and wind and feel better more of the time about myself. hiking up mountains may not be everyone's idea of fun, and truthfully it was not for me either, at least before i got clean. now, that seems like a perfectly good way to spend a day out of my house.
yes, it is true, what i think of as fun has changed and more than likely will continue to change as i stay clean and keep living a program. this fundamentalist mystic of recovery may not be able to pin down any of what his HIGHER POWER may or may not look like, but just for today, i am will to let that POWER take care of me.
what is fun today? well today, not a whole lot of things as i am “tethered” to my work laptop, just in case something goes wrong with the stuff i do for work. so i may get to get a walk with the dawg done as soon as i get the ticket from support at work addressing an e-mail issue. will that be “fun?” walking four miles all the time worrying about getting called, well actually i will not worry about that, but it will be on mind, may not be all that fun, but it is all part of being able to hike for fun this summer, as activity that i have been unable to do for quite some time, due to my general lack of fitness. i was more fit, when i was using or perhaps i did not care as looking fit was more important than being fit. the weird part of having the desire to get fit, is that when i was using, it just was not part of my consideration for the day. i ran so i could pound my running buddy into dust during the Bolder Boulder. i used the rowing machine so i would have the stamina to run a raft through Class III rapids.it was all a matter of looking good and although i would love to say that i do my fitness program just for me, there is a financial component to it. IF i maintain a level of fitness, i GET $750.00 deposited into my HSA account by my employer. money talks but if it was all about the bucks, i could have stopped last year after i got my money. the fact is, i like the results, as slow and as painful as they are. i am thinner, have more stamina and wind and feel better more of the time about myself. hiking up mountains may not be everyone's idea of fun, and truthfully it was not for me either, at least before i got clean. now, that seems like a perfectly good way to spend a day out of my house.
yes, it is true, what i think of as fun has changed and more than likely will continue to change as i stay clean and keep living a program. this fundamentalist mystic of recovery may not be able to pin down any of what his HIGHER POWER may or may not look like, but just for today, i am will to let that POWER take care of me.
∞ DT ∞