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is certainly an apt description of the activities that i once thought were fun. walking along the beach watching the dolphins frolic at sunset, may not be on the top of my list of fun things to do, but at least there is a possibility that may occur, now that i live a life in recovery. more than once have i mocked this reading for that very line, but i am committed to living a life that is fulfilling, fun and exciting, without the use of drugs. this morning as i sat and found that quiet moment, what popped off the stack was a bit of concern about my job situation and the resolve to do step up to the plate and be willing to look at some opportunities that i had been passing on, for one reason or another. i am finally putting aside my pride and prejudice and making a move that may get the money flowing in, sooner, rather than later.
what also kept bubbling up, is my judgement of others in my life, seeing them through the lens of being flawed, based on some less than stellar behaviors. what finally resolved all of that for me, was knowing that i too am flawed and have acted in all sorts of bizarre ways over the past few months as the threat of losing my job, became a reality. i know that it was a lack of total commitment to spend the time i needed to spend, to get the results i desired. my failure to transition from a job where i was expected to be a warm body, to one where i was expected to put hours in, pounding out code, doomed me to the situation i find myself in today. my fantasy of being bulletproof has been exploded and i know that each and every day, i need to keep up what i have been doing ⥵ suiting up, showing up and actively pursuing any and all opportunities that i am presented with, no matter where they may come from.
i am still able to pay my bills and keep the lights on. i still have the desire to stay clean, no matter what. i still have the resolve to get up and be a part of the world, every single day. this morning as i prepare to get out of the house and burn some calories, i am certain that i have what it takes to succeed today, although i do not have a clue about what that may look like. life is a roller-coaster for me these days and over the past year. if i want more out of it, and i do, i will need to apply myself, just a bit more as well. after all i did not drop forty pounds and four inches off my waist, by sitting around, smoking cigars and coffee and complaining about my lack of physical fitness.

∞ DT ∞