Blog entry for:

dolphins frolic or the deer and the antelope play, it is all the same, depending where one might be. as cheesy as this reading may be, and yes more than once i know i have said that exact phrase, the point is, that maybe i can have a bit of fun, stay clean and live a life of recovery. no fun for me today, as i got stuck at home with issues at work. i almost headed out to my home group anyhow, but decided that speeding over to Boulder on snowy roads, attempting to get there without incident, was probably not a prudent way to spend my morning. instead i showered off, and ran out to my local coffee house so i could avoid getting “stir crazy.” life is like that some of the time, my responsibility to my employer. at times, outweighs my desire to be out and about. such is life, although speeding and weaving on a snowy road, might have been a bit of fun, i think i am glad i deferred to my better judgement.
what i “heard” this morning, before my plans got tossed into the bit bucket, was that maybe, just maybe, i might want to find some other activities to add few thrills, spills and fun to my life. not quite sure, but premium cigars and good coffee seems not to be enough anymore as avocations or activities. as i watch my server logs roll past, i am getting a sense of acceptance over this day anyhow and certainly getting some motion in that very notion, not that i am going to explore my options here and now, in this forum, but certainly as i walk through the next 364 days, i may have a new manner to get out and have a bit of fun.
another thread that came barrelling through the quiet is why on Earth do i have to put everyone ahead of myself, from time to time. it seems the message i get, when i act selfishly or without consideration to others, is a major DON'T do it! it seems the outcome is always the same and perhaps i am looking at the problem from the wrong side. have i set myself up to fail, because i have allowed others to have expectations of me? it is true that for the longest time, i really did not care and my behavior reflected that reality. a few days clean and some step work has altered my behavior for the better, most of the time, and yet, when i drop into my selfish, self-centered mode, pain inevitably follows. just saying and since i am tied to home today, perhaps it it might be a good path to ponder as i play my silly game, watch the Olympics or finish my book. first off though is another snow removal session and a bit of preventative maintenance on my work servers as i see a few of them whining. it still is a good day to be clean, even if i am not where i want to be, doing what i want to do. i am after all exactly where i need to be!

∞ DT ∞