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ok i have said it before and i will say it again this is one of those readings that just bugs the crap out of me. not that my notions of fun have changed, just the silly example the addicts who wrote this passage chose to illustrate what fun may be today, it makes me think of some kind of happiness and light cartoon. and i could go on and on about how fifteen words in this reading are just so silly, and you know what, that was one of the ways i used to have fun, cynically ripping apart someone else‘s words and laughing at their expense. and that really is beside the point.
if you had asked me yesterday if i was having fun, i would have honestly said no way! i was obsessed and twisted about my behaviors and my reaction to those behaviors and as a result i was dark and morose. today that whole pile of shit has been lifted from me and i see a different world inside and outside of me.
the real question is can i have fun in recovery and if so what exactly is the nature of my ideas of fun today? those ideas change over time, but i do remember that when i first started this path that i never believed i would have fun again. i was told i had to change my playgrounds, playmates and playthings and i did not have a clue as to how i was supposed to have without any of those in my life. in fact i was certain i was starting a life sentence of boring conformity to a cult that would brainwash any notions of fun right out my life. well i was pleasantly surprised that fun did not have involve getting fucked up beyond all recognition, nor did it involve chasing strange at the local watering hole. i learned that i actually had a few interests beyond getting and using and finding the ways to get more. but that was then.....
today i find fun in hanging out with my friends enjoying an imported cigar, joking about the insanity of today‘s world around me. today i find fun in hiking across up to places very few people choose to go. today i find fun watching strange little films with my girl friend. and today i find fun in just hanging with those who choose to recover in my life in a restaurant after a meeting cutting-up about my foilbles over the course of my day. and the list goes on and on .....
what the whole point is, most of the ways i find fun today do not feed the insanity of my disease nor are harmful to myself or others, although i do usually drag a hostage along on those hikes to nowhere, but that is a topic for another day. i am grateful that today i have found a way to enjoy my life and no longer require substances to think that i am having fun. and that is quite a gift and one i believe i will cherish today!

∞ DT ∞