Blog entry for:

okay, there are no beaches in Colorado that i can walk down to watch dolphins doing anything in the sunset. yes this is the reading i find the most corny and i could beat a dead horse, but i have done enough of that in the past. so there is my token annual rail against this particular entry and time to move on.
this reading is appropriate for me this morning, as i have made a major decision about the direction my life will be taking. one of the ramifications of that decision will allow me the time to pursue some new activities, with my sweetheart as well as some i have always wanted to do, but seemed to lack either the time or the desire to do. before anyone gets their panties in a bundle, the decision i have made has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else, i love all of you, BUT you really are not that important to me. your actions and behaviors may have been the reason i considered doing something, but in the long run, it all comes down to me.
anyhow, back to having fun in life, after all, i did not get clean, nor do i stay clean to be miserable. honestly, i really did not know how to have fun when i was using. even as a kid i was far too serious, and as puberty came and went that did not change, what changed was that i found something that seemed to make everything fun, uncontrolled drug use! i used to joke about one of the substances that was part of my pharmacopoeia, saying it was the cheapest way to get out of this world, and the beauty of it was i never had to leave my living room. be that as it may, everything i did, everywhere i went, and all my activities were tinged with that same sort of insanity, if it was fun to do without being high, it was infinitely more pleasurable with something on board.
as i sit here many days later,, i wonder if wilderness rafting was really that much fun, how about rock climbing, whitewater rafting or backpacking. after all, i was high all the time when i participated in all of those activities. there really was nothing better than hiking twenty miles with a hundred pound backpack strapped to your back partaking of a constant stream of dope. at least that was what i once believed. so now in recovery, as i let go of the some of the things that have consumed me over the years, i GET to discover, uncover or rediscover what i can do to have fun in recovery, a big clue is, IT WILL NOT INVOLVE A KEYBOARD AND A MONITOR! so i am excited about the direction my life is taking, and am starting to look inside for things that excite me today, and the beauty of it all is, because i decided to take care of myself physically, there is very little that i am precluded due to my physical self from trying.
so yes, i am having fun in recovery, and my plan is to have more as my new ideas of who and what i am take root and start to flourish. so it is off to the streets i go, chilly as it is this morning, to have 20 minutes or so of fun!

∞ DT ∞