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eyes bleary from a night of drug use.i probably will not go on for very long about the main part of this reading as i find the **cheese** factor very high and it will take great effort to keep from groaning out loud at the meeting tonight, when this is read aloud. yes i GET the point and how. when i was using, seeing the sunrise was the result of a night of partying, most of the time. today, i see the sun rise most days, and it is because i am awake and getting ready to do my part to be a productive member of society. the text may be pure corn, but the idea behind what it is saying, is certainly true today.
IF i was not enjoying my life clean, i would have left thousands of days ago. it really is that simple, and i have two examples of that concept in real life today: friends who were miserable in recovery, who are now equally miserable out using, but at least they can get high, to numb the pain of living day to day. me? well, for me, life is not a pain. in fact far from it, life has its ups and downs, that is certainly true, but i am grateful to have the life i am given. the days of my having to use, to go shopping, rafting, dancing, drinking or even just hanging with my buds, are over. in retrospect everything i did, had getting high involved, and i had to learn how to have fun, without a chemical fog filling my head. those early days of recovery, while the absolute worst in this journey, forced me to turn to my peers for opportunities to do things to fill my days, and learn how to have a bit of fun. you know learning to let the good times roll, and all. those lessons, are part of what kept me clean in those heinous early days, and what keeps me clean today, as i learn to become more socially adept and learn more completely how i relate to my peers in recovery, at work and the world in general. part of that being a part of the world is to watch and listen to the general white noise that is life today and separate out the grain from the chaff. i can tell you this, i will NEVER bring a TV into my house that is recording my conversations and shipping it off to a third party, and today, i have nothing in particular to hide.
no today, i can be awake, be present and more importantly participate in my life. in fact when i get to work, i will be writing my account manager and making clear exactly what i meant by my e-mail last night. as the day progresses i will learn what i need to learn at work, enjoy a cigar with some friends and acquaintances and hit a meeting, and somewhere along the way, i may even have a bit of fun. i may have been born to die, but i was not born to be miserable, that onus is something i created for myself and that i refuse to bear today.

∞ DT ∞