Blog entry for:

to or participant in gun battles, was not part of of my **fun** in active addiction. i was not some sort of Scarface and the drama of the using as perpetuated by mass media, were never part of how i lived those decades of my life. that is not to say it did not happen, because i did not see it. unlike many of those who are expressing their uncensored views on all sorts of topics in the media and on the internet, just because i cannot detect the curvature of the Earth while standing on the ground looking at the horizon, i KNOW the Earth is round. the same goes for gun battles, even though i never saw one, i have no doubt those events were a consequence of the lifestyles of some of my peers. oh yeah, before i move on, i have been a witness to dolphins frolicking in the surf against the backdrop of a rising and setting sun. 😉
yes, i am having fun, most of the time, but over the ten days, more times than not i feel ;like i am being held hostage to the wishes, desires and impulses of others. when i am out and about, i am good, letting things roll off my back and forgiving all sorts of people for their unwitting trespasses. in my own home, not so much and that says much more about me, than anyone else. this morning as i “sat,” what i heard is that i am choosing to be a victim here and it is up to me, to free myself from the chains that lock me into this pattern of thinking. yes, there are a few challenges in my home right now, those are temporary and i can get all resentful over having to “adapt” to my new set of circumstances, or i can allow myself to fall into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery and work on what it is that is really galling me, my unwritten FOURTH STEP.
as i prepare to get out of the house and make plans to get around the fact that i am on-call this week, i feel a bit of HOPE. i am dedicated to the proposition of going over to Boulder tonight. i am dedicated to the proposition of joining my Brothers of the Leaf, for an afternoon of social interaction and yes fun tomorrow afternoon. the rest of my week looks similar, as i am not ready to curl-up into a ball and spout off conspiracy theories about unflattering photos being “deep fakes” or editing videos to make a protest appear to be what it is not. today, i am all about reclaiming the minute amount of personal power that i do have, from those i have willingly given it away to and have yes, <GASP> have a bit of fun.

∞ DT ∞