Blog entry for:

about the journey i was about to embark upon, when i entered the rooms of recovery. yes, of all the stretched and cheesy metaphors that are part of my annual cycle, this one is actually one of the better ones as it actually describes a process that fits into what is being said. doe it make it any less cheesy IMHO? maybe. i am unsure of what the point is here, maybe it is all about finding something to whine about as i consider what i really want to write about today.
i have often declared, proudly at times, that i am no spiritual giant and far from the most spiritual guy on the block. that statement says more about what i want everyone else to see than a reflection of reality. for me, it is my built in justification for behaving in a less than stellar manner. it is the easier softer way, because when i am apologizing i can always say that i never claimed to be any sort of spiritual guru. oh sure, there has been all sorts of growth across the days of recovery that brings me to today. yes there has been an awakening of my spirit that was playing possum and appeared to be dead. yes there has been a refilling of the shell of my physical being, that has become the person who is now seen inn the rooms and in my everyday life. all of that aside, i seem to focus on the “what is not,” part of my spiritual journey as i take it to heart that doing what i “ought” produces the exact results that are listed in the reading. my awakening spirit sees what has not been altered and leave the rest behind.
,y spiritual path is all about balance and a world view that i am finally coming around to actually live. the “what is” is defined by the “what is not.” seeking to see my abundance by focusing on the dearth, is not a balanced manner for this addict to live his life and yet is has become my default mode of living. as i spend this day off from the toils of working for a living, i will have more than enough opportunity to for what i am not, by looking at what i am. first and foremost, i am clean today and have made the decision that is how i wish to remain, just for today. having committed to that decision, it means that as i walk through the miles that will make up this day, i need to remember that i can carry the emotional burden of what has been done to me, instead of looking at what has not. in fact, as i pound the pavement this morning with the dawg in her winter coat, i will have a minute to peek at what is and bring that into my conscious mind, “waking up,” as it were, to another side of who i am.

∞ DT ∞