๐ค aching to ๐ฅด
Posted: Mon, Feb 15, 2021 10:33:58 AM
have an awakening of the spirit was not my goal when i started this journey. it was not my goal for the first eighteen months of my recovery, either. even once i surrendered to this program of recovery, those were just words, as i was clueless what an “awakening” of my spirit would actually be. this morning, as i sneak this little ditty out, a bit late and on time borrowed from work, i am quite certain that i have the DESIRE for my spirit to be awakened even more.
it is odd, that everything i thought i knew about living and life on its own terms, was mostly wrong and subject to severe confirmation bias. the one thing i know today, is that i do not know “enough.” i have arrived at a place in my recovery, where doing STEPS TEN, ELEVEN, and TWELVE daily seems to take care of most of my living issues. that has been “good enough” for quite some time. that is the problem, at least for me, nothing is screaming on the inside to get out and i am living my life on the outside, without having to make a whole lot of TENTH STEP corrections. what that has led to, is a FOURTH STEP that is languishing in my head, instead of getting that crap down on paper and sharing it with my sponse.
anyhow, i am awake this morning and getting ready to trip up the hill to see my Dad and his home PT care-giver. it is a good day to be clean and as i walk through this day, i am certain that it will remain so. i can wail and gnash my teeth about what is not, especially in my life, or i can let go, do the next right thing and allow the world to spin as it will. maybe my Dad will get released to walk up one level of stairs today, although one he gets there, i am not sure what he can do after leaving his walker behind. 😏
it is odd, that everything i thought i knew about living and life on its own terms, was mostly wrong and subject to severe confirmation bias. the one thing i know today, is that i do not know “enough.” i have arrived at a place in my recovery, where doing STEPS TEN, ELEVEN, and TWELVE daily seems to take care of most of my living issues. that has been “good enough” for quite some time. that is the problem, at least for me, nothing is screaming on the inside to get out and i am living my life on the outside, without having to make a whole lot of TENTH STEP corrections. what that has led to, is a FOURTH STEP that is languishing in my head, instead of getting that crap down on paper and sharing it with my sponse.
anyhow, i am awake this morning and getting ready to trip up the hill to see my Dad and his home PT care-giver. it is a good day to be clean and as i walk through this day, i am certain that it will remain so. i can wail and gnash my teeth about what is not, especially in my life, or i can let go, do the next right thing and allow the world to spin as it will. maybe my Dad will get released to walk up one level of stairs today, although one he gets there, i am not sure what he can do after leaving his walker behind. 😏
∞ DT ∞