Blog entry for:

rather than judgment, for others as well as for myself, is certainly not a bad topic to get me going today. the problem is, for me anyhow, i played judge, jury and executioner for a very long time and before i actually started on this path of recovery, was without a doubt second nature to me. little did i realize, way back when, that this recovery gig actually meant changing how i acted and certainly how i thought. on most days, i am better than average at leaving judgements half-formed and abandoned in my head, at least for my peers and family members. i may not practice what appears to be compassion for them, but at least i am not spewing venom in my head about them either. by far a HUGE improvement on who i was and certainly a symptom of who i am becoming.
on most days i go through the day without causing any damage, yesterday was not such a day as i told a “friend” that i would be using another realtor to sell my parent's house, without giving her a chance to even get started on it. of course, there are a million excuses, rationalizations and justifications for my behavior. i am not going to try and explain it away here, but i am also not changing my mind and re-enlisting her either. the only remorse i feel is that i even asked her in the first place and when she was far too passive for my taste, kicked her to the curb. i do owe her an amends and i am noodling an idea around that may be just what the doctor ordered, but no matter what my spouse or friend may think, it is not bringing her on-board to sell that house. it is going to take a minute for me to get the details lined up in my head, but once i do, i will exercise a bit of compassion and certainly a bit of discretion to see if i have the ways and means to get her on the path of forgiveness.
i am taking half a day tomorrow to get moving on some other pieces of this whole estate puzzle i find myself dealing with, as the executor of my Mom's will. it is not odd that my niece was put-off by me asking for her to leave my Mom's car at home tomorrow when she vacates the premises with her less than social dog. i know she already considers it “her” car, and it may end up that in the long run, but when the house sells, i am not sure where that car will end up as i wait for the title replacement to come through. i know that i will be cancelling the insurance on that car when the house is empty, so it may end-up in my garage for a bit of time. the reality of what is and what is not, has yet to dawn on her and as the days of her living in the house are numbered, so are the days of her not doing anything to better her situation with her own car. i know she thinks that car is coming to her, and it probably is, but not for a very long minute. i do need to use a bit of compassion for her, as she is a using addict or one that is merely abstinent and she has yet to get a clue about what is coming down the pike.
anyhow, amends, compassion and acceptance are my watchwords today, as i venture out into the world and move into major work mode. life is good and things are finally to get rolling at a pace that i can live with, just for today.

∞ DT ∞