Blog entry for:

has always been one of my favorite manner of getting my way, assigning blame or avoiding what i really needed to do. taking any sort of responsibility for what my life looked like, was not a skill i came to recovery with and when i got here, i believed i could continue to live in that manner by using the trite but true cliché of “what did you think would happen, after all i am an addict?” time in recovery and more than a bit of step work has provided me a way out of that paradigm, even though from time to time, i hear my peers, some of whom have more clean time than i do, actually fall into that same pat response, when asked to take personal responsibility.
this morning what i heard was myself say “but…” i was present enough to let go of the buts, wherefores and whys of where those bubbles from the depths of my conscious mind may have been going. knowing myself as well as i do i know i wanted to use a justification or a rationalization to soothe what may be a guilty conscience over abdicating some part of my personal responsibility from some where in my past. it was more than likely ancient history that was being dredged up as there is plenty of incidences to sweep under the carpet, even if i have owned those wrongs, made amends for them and changed my behavior to limit the possibility of them occurring in the here and now.
moving into the right now, it is time to refill my coffee cup and get my nose to the grindstone. i had a very lazy end of the week, last week and i need to step up my game or i will end-up looking for a new position when January rolls around, because my work is not up to par. once through that lesson is more than enough for this addict and no matter what, i NEED to be personally responsible for myself and doing the next correct thing, just for today. that is how personal responsibility plays out in my life these days.

∞ DT ∞