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i sometimes actually ask others to assume responsibility for making decisions for me. of course, the end result is that i have someone else to blame, IF they do not turn out the way that i want them too.
blame shifting, what a wonderful full-time gig, when you can get it! i would love to say that this is OLD behavior, the truth is, that even though i have a few days clean and have actually worked some steps, i still like to fall into this trap. doing so, at least in my own head, relieves my of the responsibility, UNLESS of course it works out for the better! in my current situation, i would love to blame the company that hired me, the person who brought me on, or even the POWER that fuels my recovery, for ripping me away from a comfortable income, in a place where i fit in and had some sort of future and was well-paid for the commute i made every day. the truth? well i made the decision to make the jump, because of the commute and the fact it had the strong possibility of a long-term gig, with a benefit or two. i did not ask others to make the decision for me, although i did seek guidance. as a result, there is no one left to blame, when life on life's terms struck and struck hard! WAH-WAH-WAH!
where does that leave me today? well, i finally took a peek on Monster, updated my resume and actually sent my resume into a couple of places that might fit what i am looking and more importantly where my skills may meet their needs. so now, instead of sitting on a$$, waiting for the POWER that fuels my recovery to throw something into my lap, i took a bit of action. that, in fact, is a new behavior, as i have more than enough work on my desk to feed me, pay my bills and keep me living close to the lifestyle i have come to enjoy. the results? well i want instant gratification, what i will probably get is “not yet.”
where does that leave me this morning? well after a shower, it will leave me in my backyard office, working on the most pressing development project, that is now two days past the soft deadline i set for myself. which is something i can blame on everyone else but me of course. the fact is, every time i move forward, i find something more i wish to add, and hopefully today, that behavior will stop as the time for code freeze at least in the completed parts is NOW!
so it is off to the showers and into a day of pounding on the keyboard to get to testing what needs to be tested. and yes, i can keep doing the footwork and allowing what needs to happen, to happen, without my interference and the application of self-will, for which i am so famous, at least in my own mind. it is a good day to take responsibility for my decisions or lack thereof.

∞ DT ∞