Blog entry for:

myself from everyone around me, walking around in the daylight of full disclosure, is certainly weird and definitely freeing.across the course of my recovery, i often wondered why i could only get close to self-acceptance, but never quite there. i had come to believe that i was at the limit and the best i could do is get infinitesimally closer and closer. all of that changed on that fateful day, nearly two years ago, when i came to terms with the shameful event that i took on as part of my identity. since “owning” what happened, how i felt and how i reacted, i finally broke through the barrier that has been preventing me from accepting who and what i am. although i am nowhere close to being perfect at accepting myself, i am much closer than i have ever been and releasing the toxic garbage i have been carrying for the past five or six decades has started to break the shackles that have kept me anchored in the past.
as i stride forward under the power of this new regime, i can feel myself becoming less fearful and certainly more assertive. as i no longer require the admiration of even a few, i find myself drawn less and less to most social media. instead of cutting myself off from those apps, i find that limiting my exposure and not posting all that much, makes me feel a bit more whole and certainly more self-assured. i know some of my peers and acquaintances have had to use the nuclear option and eliminate those apps from their lives, and i have to applaud them for their insight and determination. for me, those apps have become part of the background chatter of my post-modern life that do not require me to make any sort of decision of whether or not i continue to use them, they simply just are.
today, after just writing that, i went and checked to one social media platform i am active on. no, not to check my “likes” or “follows”, but to see what i may owe to the mass of users that i have become attached to, through my own actions. i am pretty sure that i may be living in an echo chamber in that virtual world, but i do feel a part of the solution to the problem as we see it. here is where i would drop the political line, if i was so inclined. today, i am okay with allowing myself the freedom to walk away and get ready to trot around the 'hood. the wealth i enjoy today, is not measured in dollars and cents, as i do not have much. no, i have my health, i have emotional stability and i have the desire to be a bit better than yesterday, never define how big that “bit” may be. i also have the ability to accept that i am what i am and need not disguise myself from anyone i see, just for today.

∞ DT ∞