Blog entry for:

sure that if anyone got to know who i really was they would reject me. rejection was something only i was allowed to do, and i made sure throughout my active addiction that it was my choice to reject someone first. of course the reading has nothing in the world to do with rejection and everything to do with accepting who and what i am. so exactly how does the digression about rejection fit into what i am trying to write about today? well one of the people i rejected was myself. for as long as i can remember i have wanted to someone, anyone who was not me. not only did i not fit in, in social situations, i fantasized about being another entirely different person and living in any entirely different manner. so for quite a long time, i was unacceptable to myself and lived in the twilight between reality and fantasy, changing as i needed to, to fit in with whoever happened to be around. i so desperately wanted to be part of something and tried to do.
this little missive is getting interrupted by far to many other tasks today, sh let me end with since coming to the program, working a step or three and opening my mind to some spiritual principles, not the least if self-acceptance, i do accept myself better than i ever have. i no longer constantly fantasize about being someone different and i have learned to live comfortably in my own skin. quite an accomplishment!

∞ DT ∞