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provides shelter from the storm, when i allow myself to walk in FAITH otherwise i am battling and attempting to control, whatever is going on, even when i have no power in the situation. i have heard it said that old habits die hard and walking in self-will, manipulation, denial and blaming, is how i survived the storms of active addiction, even those self-made ones. these days., even though i certainly “know” better, i still stumble into those familiar behaviors. the good news? more often than not, i go with the flow, secure in the faith that everything will work out, even if the final outcome does not match my desire. another piece of good news is that i do not create as many self-made storms these days, as i do my best to live an active program of recovery, every single day.
sitting here this morning after a stranger cleaned my teeth, i am wondering whether or not i wish to remain without this dental practice. i only came over to follow the dentist and hygienist that i liked, and both of them are gone. each and every time i come to this bridge, i am more inclined to stick with what i know, rather than venture into the great unknown of another practice. this is so reminiscent of days gone by, when i preferred to sit and suffer, rather than pulling up my big boy pants and do the work i needed to do to move forward and avoid the pain entirely. the fact is, change still scares the living shit out of me and i react accordingly, by not doing anything to foster change, when i get locked into a dilemma that makes me uncomfortable. so it goes, FAITH that i have people and a POWER that fuels my recovery, in my life and they have my back, is sometimes hard for me to feel, touch or see.
anyhow, enough of this. i need to get rolling out the door and moving on my next task at work, which looks to be an ugly one. life today, is not bad. Mom's house is being shown, maybe we will get a nibble. i have most of the mess she left behind in a manageable state. i am clean and willing to live a program of recovery that fosters my FAITH that no matter what, i do not have to use, just for today.

∞ DT ∞