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from my self-made storms that i gain by living an active program of recovery, is my source of the FAITH that shelters me from the onslaught of life on its own terms. it is quite true that i can dwell in the house of pain known as self-pity, exercising one of the behaviors that characterized my active addiction, whining about the injustice of it all and wondering why the world always dumps on me. while that is still certainly an option for me, with the FAITH i have developed in recovery, i can run what is happening through the filter of the Serenity Prayer and see whether or not i have any power to change it, accepting it as part of living, if i do not. living in that house of pain, may seem like the easier softer path, but even in the short run, it cause me more harm than good.
yesterday, one of my followers responded to one of my retweets flat out calling me an “engagement farmer.” that comment really bugger the living shit out of me for far longer than it should have done. the reality is that i have a very small voice in the maelstrom that is that social media platform. i know that for a fact and i also know that any difference i may make in amplifying the voices i choose to, is minor at best. i wanted to respond, but as i considered their comment and allowed myself to detach from my desire to react, i realized that really did not need to address that issue, as they have no clue of who i am and what i do to make the lives around me a little bit better on a daily basis. all they see is the persona i project and from their make their assumptions and judgements. what it does do, however, i make me look at that persona and see if it requires a bit of alteration. that is certainly a task that i can perform, knowing what i know about myself and my desires.
as i prepare to head out to the gym for a few dozen laps around the track, i know that i am on the correct path. i know that i go through my days, seeking to minimize my negative impact on the world around me and actually succeeding, most of the time. perhaps, after i post this exercise this morning, it will be time to detox from social media for twenty-four hours, as i consider exactly what i am doing there and if i am living up to showing who i really am. after all, it is not about how i look, it is all about how i feel and this morning, there is an itch that requires me to consider whether or not to scratch it.

∞ DT ∞