Blog entry for:

lately, has been to dwell in the house of pain, courtesy of a huge dose of self-pity. everything sucks, i suck and i do not see any hope for the future sucking any less, is a constant refrain. and yet, i stay clean, work an active program of recovery and muddle through these dark and dank days, the best that i can. although it seems less than obvious that one might be able to live in a prison of self-pity and active recovery at the same time, that has been my life lately. over and over and over again, i fall into a pattern of being a victim of my choices and over and over and over again, i accept that i am doing the next right thing and i did CHOOSE to do this or that and i do NOT have to do that, right now.
this morning, as i rush to accomplish everything i believe i NEED to do, i am that alternating state of reality. pissed off because i did not get up early enough to get done before having to meet an obligation and grateful that i have got most of what i wanted to do, done. i sat, ate breakfast, did my laundry and got 4 and half miles under my belt and it is only ten o'clock.
anyhow, i have to run on to my next choice. it is a good day to be clean and choose to move out of the house of pain i have constructed for myself and see how the other half lives, just for today.

∞ DT ∞