δ when i discover that self-therapy is not so therapeutic after all, δ
Posted: Fri, Jul 21, 2006 06:14:10 AM
i need to take advantage of the therapeutic value of one addict helping another, and surrender to the principles of this program once more.
sometimes when i am writing these little missives in cyberspace, i find myself going over the same old territory, and i begin to wonder how much good i am doing myself. and of course other times i feel great after writing about a particularly deep bit of garbage that i have been carrying around. so like the cycle of the readings, my feelings about whether or not i should continue this particular exercise swings across the spectrum.
so what exactly does this have to do about surrendering after some time in the program, once again. well there was a time when i could have said that this reading was not my stuff, after all i do not have ten years clean yet, so the ‘old timer’ label cannot fit me, therefore i am disqualified from having to think about this topic, i will revisit it when i have crossed the decade barrier. notice how neatly i rationalized my disqualification? kind of makes you wonder what kind of recovery i really have? well this morning i see that for what it is, a symptom of the part of me i call my disease. nothing more , nothing less. and if i am having symptoms of returning to active addiction, then i i must take care of what i need to take care of to return to the path of active recovery. that return, for this addict, is outline in the reading today and begins to accepting as fact that i am an addict and my life is unmanageable. i am powerless over the disease of addiction, and that disease is just waiting for me to become conceited and complacent enough to make the choice of using an attractive alternative.
so surrendering to the facts of life in recovery? probably a good thing for the addict to do. after all, the only day clean i have is today, my history is just that history and is unalterable, at least in thje real world. so i will keep moving along and just for today i will continue to write on a dialy basis. where else can i speak without a care in the world?
sometimes when i am writing these little missives in cyberspace, i find myself going over the same old territory, and i begin to wonder how much good i am doing myself. and of course other times i feel great after writing about a particularly deep bit of garbage that i have been carrying around. so like the cycle of the readings, my feelings about whether or not i should continue this particular exercise swings across the spectrum.
so what exactly does this have to do about surrendering after some time in the program, once again. well there was a time when i could have said that this reading was not my stuff, after all i do not have ten years clean yet, so the ‘old timer’ label cannot fit me, therefore i am disqualified from having to think about this topic, i will revisit it when i have crossed the decade barrier. notice how neatly i rationalized my disqualification? kind of makes you wonder what kind of recovery i really have? well this morning i see that for what it is, a symptom of the part of me i call my disease. nothing more , nothing less. and if i am having symptoms of returning to active addiction, then i i must take care of what i need to take care of to return to the path of active recovery. that return, for this addict, is outline in the reading today and begins to accepting as fact that i am an addict and my life is unmanageable. i am powerless over the disease of addiction, and that disease is just waiting for me to become conceited and complacent enough to make the choice of using an attractive alternative.
so surrendering to the facts of life in recovery? probably a good thing for the addict to do. after all, the only day clean i have is today, my history is just that history and is unalterable, at least in thje real world. so i will keep moving along and just for today i will continue to write on a dialy basis. where else can i speak without a care in the world?
∞ DT ∞