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is something i can quickly forget, especially when my ass is in a sling and i am about to lose face. although i do not see myself as such, i am certainly well into the old-timer category, based on the number of days i have done this recovery gig, just for today. i certainly do catch myself cringing at times, when i take a critical peek at how i behaving and what i am thinking, wondering whether or not i am missing something important. the answer is almost always the same, a resounding YES!
the conversations i have over the past week, with two of the men that call me their sponsor, certainly gives me pause to consider, whether or not i am doing all that i need to do, to grow in my recovery. yes, i am pissed that some of my stuff may never show up again. yes i am less than pleased about how COVID is affecting me and my loved ones, directly, after being something that has been abstract for over two years. surrendering to those facts of my life seems easy enough and yet i still want to rant and rail, even though ranting and railing over these issues stopped working for me, days ago. my only viable option is to just let go, surrender and move along.
as i got up to start my day this morning, i felt a certainty that no matter what, nothing is fVcked. yes there are elements of my life that are not up to my demanding standards, including some of my personal relationships, but as i let go of what i expect of them, i see that i am living up to or even exceeding what i expect of myself, even if surrender is not in my top ten list for today. what is on my top ten list today, is to live a program of active recovery and if that entails a bit more surrender and application of what i have learned, than so be it, that i can do.
i could run on and on about how important surrender is and why i get so sick when i choose not to, but one gets the point. today, i am okay and probably still negative for COVID. today i have the ability and the desire to get my fair share of steps and heartbeats in. today i have the desire and the ability to stay clean, thanks to the POWER that fuels my recovery. today, i know that i am worth walking this planet, even if i do not win six hundred million dollars in MEGA Millions tonight. i have all sorts of stuff i am willing to give away and letting go of what i cannot change, is certainly part of that. it is a good day to hit the streets knowing that if i am paying attention, i will get everything i need.

∞ DT ∞