⇔ surrender is just for newcomers, ⇔
Posted: Mon, Jul 21, 2014 07:48:18 AM
right? wrong!
so it is true, i have been a bit off the past few weeks. the events that transpired and the information i have received, did little to jolt me back on to the path. and yet this morning, i woke up and felt human again and ready to face the challenges and very day events that life offers today, so one will see what happens. was it lack of humility, an oversensitive ego, or falling for the lie: “that i know what i am doing?” i really do not know, but what i do know is this, i have more than enough evidence of what my life would be like, if i decided that maybe, just maybe i could do a little sumthin', sumthin'.
unfortunately the lesson is being driven home, by two glaring examples of who i could be. i would become: disrespectful of my friends, self-absorbed, deluded by the belief that others owed me something, deceitful, lacking any sort of integrity and looking to take advantage of anyone who had the bad luck to cross my path, especially the weak and the helpless. and of course, i would think nothing of any of those behaviors, after all it is not my fault, don't you know that i am an addict, and that is just the way we are, nice little loophole being “around” the rooms furnishes me, for all my sh!tty behavior.
that is not the life i want today, and even though i felt envy, when i saw the pot tourist, not enjoying the ride, i no longer feel that way today, as i have a few examples of who i could become, hanging around the edges of my life today.
today, i accept the FIRST STEP and all of its implications, if i am an addict, than i am powerless over addiction and NEED to seek an outside power to relieve me of my desire to use. for me that power is the POWER that fuels my recovery and that POWER gives me the insight into the events of my life that drives home the realities i need to face. which right here and right now, is to shower off, and head on over to work, and pay attention to the events of today, as there may be quite the firestorm kicked off, if things are allowed to come to their inevitable conclusion, which will certainly put this into interesting times. i am grateful today, that i have a path to follow that does not put me in a trailer with a needle in my arm.
so it is true, i have been a bit off the past few weeks. the events that transpired and the information i have received, did little to jolt me back on to the path. and yet this morning, i woke up and felt human again and ready to face the challenges and very day events that life offers today, so one will see what happens. was it lack of humility, an oversensitive ego, or falling for the lie: “that i know what i am doing?” i really do not know, but what i do know is this, i have more than enough evidence of what my life would be like, if i decided that maybe, just maybe i could do a little sumthin', sumthin'.
unfortunately the lesson is being driven home, by two glaring examples of who i could be. i would become: disrespectful of my friends, self-absorbed, deluded by the belief that others owed me something, deceitful, lacking any sort of integrity and looking to take advantage of anyone who had the bad luck to cross my path, especially the weak and the helpless. and of course, i would think nothing of any of those behaviors, after all it is not my fault, don't you know that i am an addict, and that is just the way we are, nice little loophole being “around” the rooms furnishes me, for all my sh!tty behavior.
that is not the life i want today, and even though i felt envy, when i saw the pot tourist, not enjoying the ride, i no longer feel that way today, as i have a few examples of who i could become, hanging around the edges of my life today.
today, i accept the FIRST STEP and all of its implications, if i am an addict, than i am powerless over addiction and NEED to seek an outside power to relieve me of my desire to use. for me that power is the POWER that fuels my recovery and that POWER gives me the insight into the events of my life that drives home the realities i need to face. which right here and right now, is to shower off, and head on over to work, and pay attention to the events of today, as there may be quite the firestorm kicked off, if things are allowed to come to their inevitable conclusion, which will certainly put this into interesting times. i am grateful today, that i have a path to follow that does not put me in a trailer with a needle in my arm.
∞ DT ∞