Some memes

others, who love me to support me in my time of need, show compassion and generosity? certainly a question worth asking and answering, on this May morning. there is certainly a huge part of me, who believes i am supposed to be self-sufficient and that allowing others to care and support me, is self-obsession to the max. time and again, my partner has been angered by the fact that i hesitate to allow her to take care of me, in my less than stellar physical moments. i know the culture of toxic masculinity, that was the norm as i grew up, is still echoing in my mind, telling me that allow others to support me, is a sign of being a weak and feeble man. i certainly know that a sign of strength, at least in the circles i reside in, is to be open and allow others, even men, to care, support and yes even love me.
this is a tricky subject for me, as i ended-up stumped after that last statement. even now, when i know what is the correct thing for me to do, i pause and consider whether or not i really want to be that kind of person. all around me, in popular culture, the notion that men need to be tough and live in unassailable fortresses is being sold as an ideal. sensitivity to the needs of others and vulnerability, is once again being pitched as weakness and a symptom of the downfall of Western Civilization, by toxic misogynistic influencers, who only motive is to accumulate wealth from the sheeples they convince to follow them. their siren song, however, is hard for someone such as myself to resist, even though i know that they are full of shit and only want to use my likes and dollars to boost their own fragile egos. as a result, there is a battle within me, to remain true to what i know to be real strength and what is an illusion.
today is one of those days, where i feel like crawling back into bed and attempting to sleep away this day. i will, however, endeavor to get on with my day and be okay knowing that it is not weakness to admit i am beat, emotionally, intellectually and physically. part of what is going on is that a theme from something a peer shared last night at a meeting, has struck a chord in me. i desire to be freed from my cynical cycle of judging any or all, who fail to meet my standards, whatever they happen to be in that instant. of course, i am hyper-aware of that behavior and when i lapse into it, i end up judging myself. which of course leads me down the road of being less than the person i aspire to be. just for today, however, i will persevere and take care of myself through this bout of low energy, as well as remember that the THIRD STEP is upon me and seems to be already working its magic in the background. all in all, i can do my best to live this day, as spiritually as i can, taking note that in my current state, my first thought, just might be wrong. 🤣

∞ DT ∞