Some memes

things in my recovery, how i do the work is at the least, as important as the work i do. my source material was all about attraction, or supposed to be, as it was based on the ELEVENTH TRADITION. of course, being the person i am, that was not what i heard as i sat and allowed myself to descend into the void. what i heard goes more the point of my seed, specifically that how i can carry the message is as important as the message itself. i can say that when i got clean and throughout my recovery i have seen all sorts of behaviors from my peers. some of them i wanted to emulate and others, well not so much. what attracted me to the fellowship that i eventually committed to, was a sense of purpose and unity. sure there were more than a few posers and self-important assholes in the rooms when i got clean, but they seemed to be a tiny minority compared to the other fellowships of which i was considering joining. i am sure it was my own prejudices and biases that kept me from seeing the forest for the trees in those other fellowships, as i always felt i would have to change in order to fit in, and i would forever be using way to many words to describe myself. i am an addict and i am powerless over addiction, PERIOD!
this afternoon, i have a different sense of what i felt this morning and a new metric to apply on my daily inventory. specifically, when identified as a member of my fellowship, did i do anything that detracted from its reputation. as of this moment, i can say nope, i was good so far. the day still has plenty of hours in it, so lots of time to fuck things up. at least i am not wearing a convention T-shirt and have no “recovery” bumper stickers on my car.
i do, however, need to get some stuff done this afternoon and my walk with a friend, has got me running into a bit of a time crunch. nevertheless, as i think about my friend, i have to wonder, why he is so adverse to the wonder of the world around him. he just returned from a three week vacation without a single photograph of the places he visited. i have never walked a single step in his shoes, so to assume anything would be doing both of us a disservice. just for today, i will look for the wonder in the world around me, even if i am only chewing on a cigar, playing a computer game out on the patio, as this life is far too short to miss a single minute. that is the lesson i took from my walk from my friend, he may not see what is around him, but i can make the effort to see what i around me.

∞ DT ∞