๐ค i do recognize ๐ค
Posted: Tue, Jun 24, 2025 08:52:05 AM
the dangers of living an unexamined life, in fact, i have been there, done that and got more than one T-shirt. i have found, that i am the most comfortable, when i take the time out of my day to actually practice Steps 10, 11 and 12. here is where i could go into all the stuff i do, every single day, but to what point, one either takes me at my word, or does not. i can say that living a program, practicing spiritual maintenance, shows up all over the place as i walk through my day. how can i tell? well for one, i get less sour, confused or angry faces as i interact with folks. i get less middle finger salutes as i drive through town and i get less snarky and angry responses to what i say. being present for how those around me relate and react to me, is certainly a clue or two as to how i may doing in the here and now.
a year ago i was in the midst of having the desire to use as i anxiously awaited finding out about what my life with melanoma would be like. of course, i told myself, i should be better than this and after all this time clean, how could a little malignant mole on my scalp drive me back into the desire to use. as a result of that self-talk, i told no one about how the desire to use was upon me, became self-reliant and leaned heavily into my daily program of recovery. i did not use, but i certainly made things a whole lot more difficult than they needed to be. a year later, i am facing uncertainty about my prostate cancer and my source of income and i am not in a place where i have any desire to use. the difference is that i have a new sponse who sees me all the time, rather than one who gathers all his information about me from txts and phone calls. i am also more than a bit embarrassed that i could not take my own suggestion to share that i had the desire to use, when i did. i know, old habits die hard and looking good, is better than feeling good, is a motto that still rings in my ears when i lapse into less than stellar recovery.
all of that leads me to be grateful that i am OCD about my daily program and that i have the desire to be the sort of person i never thought i could be: self-assured, genuine and whole, just for today.
a year ago i was in the midst of having the desire to use as i anxiously awaited finding out about what my life with melanoma would be like. of course, i told myself, i should be better than this and after all this time clean, how could a little malignant mole on my scalp drive me back into the desire to use. as a result of that self-talk, i told no one about how the desire to use was upon me, became self-reliant and leaned heavily into my daily program of recovery. i did not use, but i certainly made things a whole lot more difficult than they needed to be. a year later, i am facing uncertainty about my prostate cancer and my source of income and i am not in a place where i have any desire to use. the difference is that i have a new sponse who sees me all the time, rather than one who gathers all his information about me from txts and phone calls. i am also more than a bit embarrassed that i could not take my own suggestion to share that i had the desire to use, when i did. i know, old habits die hard and looking good, is better than feeling good, is a motto that still rings in my ears when i lapse into less than stellar recovery.
all of that leads me to be grateful that i am OCD about my daily program and that i have the desire to be the sort of person i never thought i could be: self-assured, genuine and whole, just for today.
∞ DT ∞