๐ญ being asked ๐ฌ
Posted: Thu, Jul 10, 2025 10:52:12 AM
to lead, to serve, to accept responsibility, is a humbling experience for this recovering addict, at least these days. sad but true, my experience with leadership has been at times less than humbling, as i wanted to be the main attraction in the center ring of the circus that service to the fellowship changes into, from time to time. i was part of that transformation and am hardly proud of the chaos i once caused. i am grateful that the fellowship is strong and resilient enough to survive bad actors. these days i do my best to stay out of leadership roles in service and do what i can on a higher level to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.
yesterday, felt like a return to old times as i stirred up a hornet's nest in my effort to be helpful and of service. my spouse asked me why i even said anything about what happened at the service meeting the night before. i know that passing on the information was the correct thing to do, and i am not responsible for the chaos it created. the results of my good intentions were quite unexpected, but in the long run, those who are affected by what is going down, now have the opportunity to prevent the worst outcomes from occurring. it also is a reminder to me, that i choose to not be a part of the service structure these days and probably would do better remaining on the level i choose o serve at these days, which is not in any sort of leadership role.
as i told one of the men i sponsor, i was not my best self yesterday and could have taken the fact that i spilled my morning coffee, all over my desk as a sign that perhaps i needed to think twice, as my first thought just may be wrong. i fought battles that i did not need to fight. i took injuries from slings and arrows that i did need to attract. this morning, as i complete some of the stuff that did go right yesterday, i feel better about who i am and what i can commit to doing. so far, it has been a good day and it is time to move on to my next task of this day, more skill building and job hunting. life may not be, as Forrest Gump once said and box of chocolates, but it certainly is a buffet of experiences and opportunities in which i can choose to partake, just for today.
yesterday, felt like a return to old times as i stirred up a hornet's nest in my effort to be helpful and of service. my spouse asked me why i even said anything about what happened at the service meeting the night before. i know that passing on the information was the correct thing to do, and i am not responsible for the chaos it created. the results of my good intentions were quite unexpected, but in the long run, those who are affected by what is going down, now have the opportunity to prevent the worst outcomes from occurring. it also is a reminder to me, that i choose to not be a part of the service structure these days and probably would do better remaining on the level i choose o serve at these days, which is not in any sort of leadership role.
as i told one of the men i sponsor, i was not my best self yesterday and could have taken the fact that i spilled my morning coffee, all over my desk as a sign that perhaps i needed to think twice, as my first thought just may be wrong. i fought battles that i did not need to fight. i took injuries from slings and arrows that i did need to attract. this morning, as i complete some of the stuff that did go right yesterday, i feel better about who i am and what i can commit to doing. so far, it has been a good day and it is time to move on to my next task of this day, more skill building and job hunting. life may not be, as Forrest Gump once said and box of chocolates, but it certainly is a buffet of experiences and opportunities in which i can choose to partake, just for today.
∞ DT ∞