๐ฑ living fully ๐ฏ
Posted: Sat, Aug 2, 2025 08:59:34 AM
and owning my independence, has come to mean to me, that i accept the consequences of my decisions and realize that when they do not go the way i expected, i am not a victim, as i volunteered for that outcome. i can say that, without a doubt, i did my best in active addiction, mere abstinence and early recovery to allow circumstances and others to decide the path before me. by doing that, i always had someone or something else to blame for the consequences and i could play the victim. when that stopped working, i used addiction as my boogeyman and blamed all the consequences of indecision on the fact that i was just another addict, so really, what did i expect.
to emerge from that pile of shit and learn to live, took some actual step work and the desire to apply some spiritual principles to my daily life. this morning, as i look at what my future may be, i am not living in abject FEAR, even though i hate living without any d=sort of clue what may be coming down the pike from that unknowable future. what i do know, is that i am okay living in the present tense. i am feeling secure in my daily program of active recovery. i am doing my best to maintain my physical and emotional fitness. most importantly i am seeking balance and doing the next correct thing to make my situation a bit less uncertain. i do not understand why some of my peers rely on medications to attain what the program has given me, and i really do not care. once again, i am focusing on the what is not, instead of looking at the what is.
moving into r=the what is, i have a bit of stuff planned for today that includes a meeting, a walk, and a errand for my wife. i also have a bit of curiosity about installing something on my computers, so perhaps, just for today, i will venture a bit into the unknown and see if i can get a LAMP stack set-up in a Docker container, so i can get my brother-in-law's site updated and moved to its new home. whatever else comes down the pike, will be what i deal with, as it arrives. just for today, the what is, is how i own my independence.
to emerge from that pile of shit and learn to live, took some actual step work and the desire to apply some spiritual principles to my daily life. this morning, as i look at what my future may be, i am not living in abject FEAR, even though i hate living without any d=sort of clue what may be coming down the pike from that unknowable future. what i do know, is that i am okay living in the present tense. i am feeling secure in my daily program of active recovery. i am doing my best to maintain my physical and emotional fitness. most importantly i am seeking balance and doing the next correct thing to make my situation a bit less uncertain. i do not understand why some of my peers rely on medications to attain what the program has given me, and i really do not care. once again, i am focusing on the what is not, instead of looking at the what is.
moving into r=the what is, i have a bit of stuff planned for today that includes a meeting, a walk, and a errand for my wife. i also have a bit of curiosity about installing something on my computers, so perhaps, just for today, i will venture a bit into the unknown and see if i can get a LAMP stack set-up in a Docker container, so i can get my brother-in-law's site updated and moved to its new home. whatever else comes down the pike, will be what i deal with, as it arrives. just for today, the what is, is how i own my independence.
∞ DT ∞