๐จ once upon a time, ๐ฉ
Posted: Sat, Sep 13, 2025 02:35:00 PM
not all that long ago, i would tailor my shares to try to appeal to the listeners, and the harder i tried to make people relate, the phonier i felt (and sounded). call it what you will, déjá vue, or whatever, but my source material this morning reflects exactly what i have been feeling over the past few days. this morning, i got to share once again as part of my anniversary week world tour. it will not encompass seven meetings in seven days, but i will be adding at least one more meeting out of my usual routine before the week is over on Wednesday.my share this morning, echoed many of the elements of my blog entry yesterday, so i will not go down that path again, in this exercise.
moving forward, what i heard this morning was that my insincerity in sharing over the past few months, is my FEAR of not being accepted, as i start me new life and identity as a retired person. using my clean time as a weapon, i was afraid that someone with my clean time, cannot be seen to be having any sort of struggles with the acceptance of others and my identity, after all, have i not done enough work to get past that? the reality is, for ma anyhow, the work i have done, has got me to this point, but as i am quickly discovering, there is no “advanced” recovery program and even though i may not be as sick as i once was, i am still an addict, who is in recovery.
it is a good day =to be clean. i am grateful this morning, that even when i share about obsession, the desire to use, or my identity angst, my peers understand and can provide valuable feedback, one-on-one. i have a sponsor, i have closed-mouth friend and i have peers in recovery, who may not “get” exactly what i am going through, but might be able to understand on the level of empathy and offer me what i need to walk the path before me, just for today
moving forward, what i heard this morning was that my insincerity in sharing over the past few months, is my FEAR of not being accepted, as i start me new life and identity as a retired person. using my clean time as a weapon, i was afraid that someone with my clean time, cannot be seen to be having any sort of struggles with the acceptance of others and my identity, after all, have i not done enough work to get past that? the reality is, for ma anyhow, the work i have done, has got me to this point, but as i am quickly discovering, there is no “advanced” recovery program and even though i may not be as sick as i once was, i am still an addict, who is in recovery.
it is a good day =to be clean. i am grateful this morning, that even when i share about obsession, the desire to use, or my identity angst, my peers understand and can provide valuable feedback, one-on-one. i have a sponsor, i have closed-mouth friend and i have peers in recovery, who may not “get” exactly what i am going through, but might be able to understand on the level of empathy and offer me what i need to walk the path before me, just for today
∞ DT ∞