Some memes

to talk the talk when i do not walk the walk. yes i know, opening with a bumper sticker is not my usual style and one as trite as this one, well that may the greatest sin of all. my source was all about being myself and sincerity. i had one small quibble with that notion, i can be sincere and still be playing a role, especially if the role has taken the place of my reality. i know this from experience, decades of hiding because i believed i was weak and feeble turned me into someone who was weak and feeble. i know today, that i neither weak or feeble and i can certainly see throughout my life there were times when i actually, sincerely showed enough of myself to standout. when i came to the rooms, i was all about bluster and bravado, but as i said in treatment one time, i was actually a scared little boy who could never please the person in his life he most wanted to please, hence weak and feeble.
this whole weak and feeble stuff is getting a bit old, but with it staring me in my face, it is much harder to deny. going from wanting to be nearly invisible and blend in, in active addiction, to wanting to be in the spotlight in the center ring in the early part of my recovery, are just opposite sides of the same coin. finding the balance between those extremes is what i am all about today. football however, is taking over my bandwidth, especially fantasy football. so instead of phoning this in, i can say that i ran 9 out of the 10 kilometers i planned on doing. walking for one, makes me neither weak nor feeble, just a sixty-nine year old, doing his best to recovery from his training idiocy this last spring. i did the distance and i am learning the rhythm of exercise i can do without hurting myself and as i recover from over training, once again.

∞ DT ∞