๐ the fellowship ๐
Posted: Sat, Sep 20, 2025 01:15:09 PM
that has given me this new manner of living, offers hope to addicts around the world, regardless of any real or imagined differences that might separate us. as cheesy as that may sound, and i almost always find topic about hope a bit cheesy, it certainly is a good topic for me to think and write about. each and every day, i am reminded about that i did not come to the fellowship brimming with honesty, willingness or even any hope, no, i had a legal problem and this was what i hopes was my “get out of jail free card.” ironically i got what i was hoping for, but the jail i was freed from was active addiction.
when i give back to my fellowship, it is that result i wish to spread, even though climbing out of the pit of despair i found myself in, after eighteen months of mere abstinence, seemed to be unlikely. back then i was certain that i was too old, too smart, too cynical and far too broken to ever be made whole and content with my life and who i was. i may not be quite there yet, but i am much further along than i would have been if i did the offender, in and out shuffle, that many of my peers who entered recovery find themselves rinsing and repeating. being a person who wanted to be one and done, the fear of legal consequences overrode my desire to get caught using and played a huge part in my decision to get clean, stay clean and become part of a fellowship.
i have some major changes in my life over the past fourteen or fifteen months and although the desire to use was part of that process, i chose to stay clean, rather than to use and attempt to get clean again. i know that had i given in, i would have kept it on the down low and probably would have spun so far down, using the rationalization that i could do just one, that i might have never come back. the worst part of that possible life was that in my pride and ego, i would have not asked for help, owned up to what i had done, until the consequences were undeniable. i am grateful i had and have enough HOPE and FAITH in this program of recovery, that i did not have to go down that dark and twisted road, back then or even just for today.
when i give back to my fellowship, it is that result i wish to spread, even though climbing out of the pit of despair i found myself in, after eighteen months of mere abstinence, seemed to be unlikely. back then i was certain that i was too old, too smart, too cynical and far too broken to ever be made whole and content with my life and who i was. i may not be quite there yet, but i am much further along than i would have been if i did the offender, in and out shuffle, that many of my peers who entered recovery find themselves rinsing and repeating. being a person who wanted to be one and done, the fear of legal consequences overrode my desire to get caught using and played a huge part in my decision to get clean, stay clean and become part of a fellowship.
i have some major changes in my life over the past fourteen or fifteen months and although the desire to use was part of that process, i chose to stay clean, rather than to use and attempt to get clean again. i know that had i given in, i would have kept it on the down low and probably would have spun so far down, using the rationalization that i could do just one, that i might have never come back. the worst part of that possible life was that in my pride and ego, i would have not asked for help, owned up to what i had done, until the consequences were undeniable. i am grateful i had and have enough HOPE and FAITH in this program of recovery, that i did not have to go down that dark and twisted road, back then or even just for today.
∞ DT ∞