๐ฌ in active addiction, ๐คจ
Posted: Fri, Oct 17, 2025 11:18:28 AM
the cause to which i was devoted to was getting and using drugs to change the way i felt. my goal was to be feel none of the emotional lows and was willing to sacrifice the emotional highs to accomplish my purpose. i made no promises to anyone that intended to keep, made plenty of excuses why i did not do what i said i would and filled the world with insincere apologies when i was busted flaking on a commitment. i was quite confused when i was asked to take a service commitment when i started showing up regularly, as the word commitment was one of those words that scared the living shit out of me.
many days later and after a few rounds of steps, have found the ways and means to take commitment seriously and honor all the commitments i have made. when i say i am going to be somewhere in twenty minutes, i usually arrive in eighteen. 🤣 it is true that having to show up three days a week a half an hour early to have the coffee ready for the noon meeting was quite an accomplishment and one that i took a bit of pride in doing. for six months i was there doing my task, not because i wanted to be committed, but because i was worried what others would think if the coffee was not ready at the start of the meeting. an excellent example of behaving my way into better thinking.
committing to service, taught me how to commit in my life and there is still a bit of abject fear when i consider making personal commitments. i certainly am not the flake who walked into the rooms, but at times it is still difficult for me to have the desire to commit, you can ask my spouse to verify that claim. seriously though, i make that joke to hide the fact that i have learned to commit and to denigrate myself, through false humility. in all honesty, there is still a part of me that thinks “real men” should never be “pinned down.” certainly something to add to my THIRD STEP writing as get going on it, sooner or later. right now it is time to get some work in as i play. it is a good day to take pride in the fact that i can commit to my peers, my fellowship, my family, my loved ones and my trusted closed-mouth friends, just for today.
many days later and after a few rounds of steps, have found the ways and means to take commitment seriously and honor all the commitments i have made. when i say i am going to be somewhere in twenty minutes, i usually arrive in eighteen. 🤣 it is true that having to show up three days a week a half an hour early to have the coffee ready for the noon meeting was quite an accomplishment and one that i took a bit of pride in doing. for six months i was there doing my task, not because i wanted to be committed, but because i was worried what others would think if the coffee was not ready at the start of the meeting. an excellent example of behaving my way into better thinking.
committing to service, taught me how to commit in my life and there is still a bit of abject fear when i consider making personal commitments. i certainly am not the flake who walked into the rooms, but at times it is still difficult for me to have the desire to commit, you can ask my spouse to verify that claim. seriously though, i make that joke to hide the fact that i have learned to commit and to denigrate myself, through false humility. in all honesty, there is still a part of me that thinks “real men” should never be “pinned down.” certainly something to add to my THIRD STEP writing as get going on it, sooner or later. right now it is time to get some work in as i play. it is a good day to take pride in the fact that i can commit to my peers, my fellowship, my family, my loved ones and my trusted closed-mouth friends, just for today.
∞ DT ∞