Some memes

really know what grace is or where this gift is coming from, do i have to fully understand it to receive it? grace has always been one of those concepts that i just gloss over and accept, because the bias i have about religious notions and ideas, prevented me from taking a deep look at what i really thought grace was. this seems to be a topic that i have had several discussions about over the past few months and one of them, ironically, was with one of my peers who follows a very traditional Western path of spirituality. the fact that someone who is comfortably ensconced in a tradition where grace is spoken about all the time, still has issues understanding it, makes me feel a bit better about wandering the wilderness seeking my own definition. it is not my intent to find an oasis in the wilderness of my confusion, this morning. it is my intent to explore how i live and deal with the curve balls life throws at me, when i feel i lack the ability to do so.
as i fight with my keyboard this morning, i could get frustrated and just pitch this piece of technology into the shit can, as it plays games with me, all too often. perhaps, my ability to let go of its little glitches and annoyances is evidence of a bit of grace in my life. in fact, ever since starting to write my THIRD STEP, i feel a whole lot more balanced and present =for the what is, in my life. today, is start training fro my new career in retail. i know i am not a “people” sort of person, so this is a huge step off into the unknown for me. i am a bit scared and more than a little excited at the same time, as i am coming to see this as an opportunity to complete those courses in social interaction that i skipped out of in active addiction. maybe that is part of the gift of grace for me as well.
as i come towards the end of this exercise, i may not have a good firm idea of what grace is or is not. what i do know, is that bi have the ability to deal with life on its own terms, regardless of the magnitude of the events that i face on a daily basis. i know that when i was using and in early recovery, i was a miserable wretch, whining about every little thing that went “wrong.” oh, i can still whine and wail about how unfair it ism, but instead of being my default action, i can actually step up and do what i need to do, whether that is accepting it or applying the footsteps to change it. maybe that too, is what grace is all about. just for today, however, i am going to move on with my day and get ready to go back to work, for the first time in four months.

∞ DT ∞