๐ฑ through service ๐ถ
Posted: Mon, Nov 3, 2025 11:42:12 AM
to the fellowship that is my home, i have built a life worth staying clean for. i am not really all that psyched up to write about serving my fellowship on any given day. usually i am well-known to revert to another source for my daily contemplation of the what is. for some strange and unusual reason, this morning, i was in the mood and give it the old college try to write something about how serving my peers in my fellowship as fostered growth.
i have gone into my service history more that once, so i need not go down that rabbit-hole today. one thing is for certain, it took a very long moment to see that service was not all about being in the spotlight for me. during that period of time, i wanted to be more and service was the path, at least in my head to do exactly that. these days, i serve in a much quieter manner, far from the center ring and mostly out of the spotlight. i finally arrived at a place where my motives to be of service go to fostering an atmosphere of recovery, instead of building my ego. do not get me wrong, i still have a strong desire for my peers to respect me, but i no longer want it to be because i am some sort of service junkie recovery guru.
i admit it was painful for me to let go of my desire o be a big fish in a very small pond. that pain, was short-lived, as a spark of HOPE was ignited in me. that spark was the impetus to allow myself to be freed from the lies that defined me, even if it took another decade for me to realize that as a fact. as i walk through redefining myself, through service to my fellowship, my family, society and the world around me, i am more than certain i will stumble back towards the self-serving motives that once consumed me. sitting here, enjoying a cigar and looking at who i may be becoming, i am more than ready to leave all of that behind, in the shit can of what once was and grow into a person who is respected for what he is, rather than what he does. just for today, i can look ahead and not live in the FEAR of what may come, because i have a path and a desire to follow that path, to wherever it may lead.
i have gone into my service history more that once, so i need not go down that rabbit-hole today. one thing is for certain, it took a very long moment to see that service was not all about being in the spotlight for me. during that period of time, i wanted to be more and service was the path, at least in my head to do exactly that. these days, i serve in a much quieter manner, far from the center ring and mostly out of the spotlight. i finally arrived at a place where my motives to be of service go to fostering an atmosphere of recovery, instead of building my ego. do not get me wrong, i still have a strong desire for my peers to respect me, but i no longer want it to be because i am some sort of service junkie recovery guru.
i admit it was painful for me to let go of my desire o be a big fish in a very small pond. that pain, was short-lived, as a spark of HOPE was ignited in me. that spark was the impetus to allow myself to be freed from the lies that defined me, even if it took another decade for me to realize that as a fact. as i walk through redefining myself, through service to my fellowship, my family, society and the world around me, i am more than certain i will stumble back towards the self-serving motives that once consumed me. sitting here, enjoying a cigar and looking at who i may be becoming, i am more than ready to leave all of that behind, in the shit can of what once was and grow into a person who is respected for what he is, rather than what he does. just for today, i can look ahead and not live in the FEAR of what may come, because i have a path and a desire to follow that path, to wherever it may lead.
∞ DT ∞