Some memes

with my sponsor and sponsees can offer the support and understanding i need to keep moving forward. in fact, i shared at the meeting this morning that i was growing uncomfortable with where i am spiritually and would need to be chatting with my sponsor about getting together, so i can move on. this has been building for a minute but what tripped the trigger was the notion that i might like to get “a little” high after smelling one of my neighbors “wake and bake” session while walking the dawg, this morning. it was not a desire to use, per se, but it certainly was a thought from way out in left field. the fact that added the “little” qualifier to the notion of getting high, is particularly disturbing to me, as a never, ever only got a “little” high in my life. telling on myself at the meeting this morning, felt great, it took some of the weight off my shoulders and i got the unconditional support that my peers have always given me, just when i needed just a bit more than usual.
the topic of unconditional support, no matter what, brought back a memory of my early days in recovery. i can say for certain whether this actually happened, i made it up or someone else made it up, but the story that follows is one example of what my source material seemed to be speaking to. the story goes like this: a member shared that he beat his wife last night and went to jail for it, BUT at least he did not drink, the room burst into applause and i was quite confused. they were applauding the fact that he did not drink, which made no sense to me at that time as i was more than confused how they could condone wife-beating. to me, it sounded as if they cared little for the woman that was battered and more about the abuser, after some time in the program, i realized that it was the sinner not the sin they were looking at, and i had little to no right to judge them for their seemingly myopic view of that situation. for me, applause will never be the response to that sort of information, but i can offer my support to the addict who may share that and treat them respect and kindness regardless of my personal feelings about the act.
anyhow on that merry note, it is time for me to lay down for a bit of a nap and let go of this day. i know i have a mess to clean-up with a newcomer, next week. i know i have two doctor appointments to go to and a meeting with my sponse. perhaps if i let go of all my shit for an hour or so, i will get some spiritual relief, for my less than spiritual condition, just for today.

∞ DT ∞