Some memes

not as i feel or think i am. there is a part of me that resists the notion that how i behave is indicative of who i am. across the course of my recovery i have heard several variations of fake it until you make and acting as if. each and every time it struck me as wrong, and i did not argue, i acted kind even when i did not feel kind. i acted interested even when i was not. i acted as if i was part of, even when i felt separate and alone. what that accomplished was another goal i heard way back when: behave my way into better thinking. as i see it through the lens of a few days in a row clean, i get that when i followed that direction, i changed how i thought and the behaviors i was “faking” became part of how i lived. i had integrated spiritual principles into my life.
this morning, it was brought to my attention that one of the men i sponsor shared at a meeting that i suffered from TDS. i am quite sure if you asked him, he would also say i was a woke. in his world view both of those labels are insults. in mine, i take it as the deepest of compliments. i know that my life today is because i was born into white male privilege and id not ask to be. even so, i also did what i could to elevate my station in life. i have no issue with anyone else doing so, as i do not believe privilege and success is a zero sum game. i also have no issue with the powers that be, giving those who were not as fortunate to be born as a white male and extra boost, to help them achieve success. i have no issue with those who arrived in this country one way or another, having a path to become citizens. i have no issue with those who feel they were born the wrong gender, with making a bodily change to correct that dissonance. i have no issue as treating everyone and anyone i come across in my day, with kindness and courtesy. if that make me woke, yay for the good guys. what really irks me is how the media gives credence to “alternate facts” that are gaslighting or just flat out lies and the members of public drink it up and spout them as truth. i can do nothing to correct that accept to HOPE that now that the truth is being revealed in the behavior of those in high offices they will snap out of their reverie and come to their senses.
where does all of that leave me today? i am a bit sad at the direction our world has taken over the past fourteen months and hope the inertia can be reversed or at least altered. i am more than adamant that it is up to me, to add a bit of kindness to the world around me, by acting kinder. it is also up to me to stay awake and if and when i have the opportunity to educate and inform, i can do so without coming off as if i am on some morally correct high horse. most of all, remember that i am as i do, just for today and every day.

∞ DT ∞