⚖ i strive 🚶
Posted: Tue, Mar 31, 2026 11:19:39 AM
every day to keep myself spiritually balanced, even when i do not know what that may look like, or how to achieve it. that is me exercising a bit of false humility, mea culpa. i may not know exactly what spiritual balance may be intellectually, but on a “feeling” level i certainly do know what it is. being who i am, someone who was taught to think rationally, discard nonsense and make my theories fit the facts in evidence, living on the level of feelings is tough for me. the simple fact of the matter is, that my whole journey in recovery has all about moving my recovery from my head to my heart. today, i feel balanced and i can not pinpoint one specific action, why that may be.
i have always been daily pattern orientated as part of how i can control my life. that served me well enough in active addiction as it meant just a little bit of sumthin', sumthin' to take the edge off my day, before my feet hit the floor. it got me out the door and ready to face the old, cruel world that i knew was waiting for me. i believed myself to be a victim of that world and carried on, as if the next show was going to drop at any second. that little boost ion the morning was enough to get me rolling along to where oi needed to be. when ii got clean and it was suggested that i pray every morning and night, on my knees to a HIGHER POWER i did not understand, i was just willing enough to give it a roll, after all daily patterns of behavior were already part of my DNA. that only lasted the thirty days it was suggested but it set up a pattern that became my daily spiritual practice.
today, i have a spiritual practice that gives me at least the opportunity to find spiritual balance to start my day and the ways and means to restore it throughout my day. my spouse may give me crap about needing over an hour in the morning to get ready and off to do my physical daily routine and i certainly can see her point. what i know, however, that when i skimp or cheat of my spiritual practice, i suffer the consequences. i learned a long time ago, that i do not have the desire to suffer the consequences when i can do something to avoid them.
living in the here and now also means that my spiritual apple cart can be upset by all the external factors that make up postmodern life. that one driver who does the asshole thing. that one customer who refused to acknowledge my humanity. that one friend who did not reply to my text. and the list of the little slights goes on and on, and that does not even include the litany of the even worse. to restore my balance, i certainly cannot spend an hour again, but what i can do, is pause and let my head catch up with my feelings and allow myself the freedom to let that shit go. it may not be full-proof, but it does work most of the time. just for today, i will use the ways and means i have at my disposal to achieve and maintain some sort of spiritual balance.
i have always been daily pattern orientated as part of how i can control my life. that served me well enough in active addiction as it meant just a little bit of sumthin', sumthin' to take the edge off my day, before my feet hit the floor. it got me out the door and ready to face the old, cruel world that i knew was waiting for me. i believed myself to be a victim of that world and carried on, as if the next show was going to drop at any second. that little boost ion the morning was enough to get me rolling along to where oi needed to be. when ii got clean and it was suggested that i pray every morning and night, on my knees to a HIGHER POWER i did not understand, i was just willing enough to give it a roll, after all daily patterns of behavior were already part of my DNA. that only lasted the thirty days it was suggested but it set up a pattern that became my daily spiritual practice.
today, i have a spiritual practice that gives me at least the opportunity to find spiritual balance to start my day and the ways and means to restore it throughout my day. my spouse may give me crap about needing over an hour in the morning to get ready and off to do my physical daily routine and i certainly can see her point. what i know, however, that when i skimp or cheat of my spiritual practice, i suffer the consequences. i learned a long time ago, that i do not have the desire to suffer the consequences when i can do something to avoid them.
living in the here and now also means that my spiritual apple cart can be upset by all the external factors that make up postmodern life. that one driver who does the asshole thing. that one customer who refused to acknowledge my humanity. that one friend who did not reply to my text. and the list of the little slights goes on and on, and that does not even include the litany of the even worse. to restore my balance, i certainly cannot spend an hour again, but what i can do, is pause and let my head catch up with my feelings and allow myself the freedom to let that shit go. it may not be full-proof, but it does work most of the time. just for today, i will use the ways and means i have at my disposal to achieve and maintain some sort of spiritual balance.
∞ DT ∞