๐คท je ne sais quoi ๐คท
Posted: Wed, Apr 1, 2026 10:21:26 AM
i do not know what, is a great way to describe what i felt from those who were present when i first came to the rooms, much less what i feel these days after a minute clean.the whole idea of one addict helping another, without any expectation of return, was quite foreign to me. empathy was way beyond my understanding. sympathy and pity, well they played well with me, empathy, not so much. when one, such as myself, comes from a zero sum, transactional relationship sort of living, none of that makes any sense. i kept wondering what “those people” wanted from me and when the other shoe was going to drop. even after i was sick and tired of being merely abstinent, i still wondered what recovery was going to “cost” me.
well, ironically i know what the cost ended up being: a life where i choose not to use. if that was all it cost me and that was all i got, i might have been satisfied, but chances are, i would have used again, as this life lacks the chaos and uncertainty of my life before the rooms. i what i got instead is the ability and the desire to feel the whole range of human emotions, including empathy. i may not be able to name or define all that i feel these days, but i do know that when i see one of my peers suffering, whether they are brand new or have a shit ton of clean time, i feel their pain and have the desire to see what, if anything, i can do to relieve their suffering. in this new manner of living, pity and sympathy, which still part of my emotional palette, hardly ever surface. empathy has filled their place, most of the time, as i understand what it feels like to live a lie and hide in plain sight.
i am pretty sure i have run out of stuff to say about empathy and feelings. my seed this morning was listening with my heart. when all is said and done, i can see that perhaps the best working definition, for me anyhow, is empathy is just that: listening with my heart rather than my head. as i walk through today, i will remember that no one has walked my path, and i certainly have not walked theirs. what i do have in common with them, is out=r frail humanness and the ability to see beyond my own needs, just for today.
well, ironically i know what the cost ended up being: a life where i choose not to use. if that was all it cost me and that was all i got, i might have been satisfied, but chances are, i would have used again, as this life lacks the chaos and uncertainty of my life before the rooms. i what i got instead is the ability and the desire to feel the whole range of human emotions, including empathy. i may not be able to name or define all that i feel these days, but i do know that when i see one of my peers suffering, whether they are brand new or have a shit ton of clean time, i feel their pain and have the desire to see what, if anything, i can do to relieve their suffering. in this new manner of living, pity and sympathy, which still part of my emotional palette, hardly ever surface. empathy has filled their place, most of the time, as i understand what it feels like to live a lie and hide in plain sight.
i am pretty sure i have run out of stuff to say about empathy and feelings. my seed this morning was listening with my heart. when all is said and done, i can see that perhaps the best working definition, for me anyhow, is empathy is just that: listening with my heart rather than my head. as i walk through today, i will remember that no one has walked my path, and i certainly have not walked theirs. what i do have in common with them, is out=r frail humanness and the ability to see beyond my own needs, just for today.
∞ DT ∞