Some memes

from a place of love or a place of fear? none of my usual and safe source material seems to speak to from the titles alone, and yet, when i opened my mind the tiniest crack this morning, this one struck a chord. the material used service as its main these as in group decision-making and the SECOND Tradition. i, however, took this particular snippet and ran with it in a different direction. before i go down that path, i need to say that many times i have my conscience has aligned with that of the group. other times, not so much, but even when it moves away from what i feel is the “correct” decision, i support the final result. when i am in opposition, i have to run it through the simple test i with which i started this blog, and examine my motives and feelings. sometimes it is love, sometimes it is fear. fear of me losing standing in the group. fear of the plan collapsing under its own weight. or just plain fear for no rational or irrational reason that i can pinpoint. that is just how it is and i can certainly live with that.
leaving the main thesis of my source material behind, where i went was to looking at my own decision-making and behavior through that same lens: LOVE or FEAR. another good addition to my real-time TENTH STEP as well as my daily inventory. most of the time, i just decide and there is not a whole lot of process in it. when there is or when i see that look of disappointment, dismay or hurt on the face of someone with whom i am interacting, that is a perfect filter LOVE or FEAR. as most of my shortcomings arise from my character defects that are fear centered, when i am acting out, the default answer will probably be FEAR. i have been known to be honest, sometimes a bit brutally, when asked for my opinion or advice on how to move forward. the sting of my honesty may being those same looks on the face of the person who asked, but in that case it is most likely because of LOVE as LOVE is not always painless.
today, i am not rushing out the door to get to the cigar store. in fact i am not even rushing out the door to run my final 10K before the Bolder Boulder next week. i am easing my way in to this day and if i were to run it through the filter, i would say it is LOVE nor FEAR that is driving my actions to laze my way into my day. if i do not get the perfect chair or parking spot, no big deal, i will survive, after all it is not football season yet. i can let my clothes dry before i run and allow myself the freedom of having very little to do when i return. i like when the tasks between fitness and fun are reduced to practically nil. life goes on, i will run, i will finish my laundry, i will sit in a smoke filled room and be politically incorrect and i will stay clean. after that, who knows as dinner at my spouse's home group celebration is not on my agenda, today. today i am all about turning off, tuning out and just being in the moment for whatever may come.

∞ DT ∞