๐คซ when i practice ๐ถ
Posted: Mon, Jun 8, 2026 01:05:15 PM
anonymity, i am able to have greater empathy and compassion for those around me and i can see the sameness i share with my peers. this morning as i argued with my fitness tracker about the weak and feeble workout it suggested i realized that running my life under the guidance of an algorithm that fails to see the whole picture is never going to satisfy me or my fitness ambitions. how does that fit with the notion of anonymity? when i live my life under faulty assumptions and seek to separate myself from the pack, i do not meet my own spiritual fitness ambitions. when i got clean i believed i was different, i was not an addict and the rooms had nothing to offer me, save for a get out of jail free card. that little bit of theater almost took me out again, which may have started my life ping-ponging between jail, probation, courts and more constraints on my freedom.
today, as i sit on my patio playing around with AI and considering how i interact with me peers and my spiritual progarm, i understand that anonymity was what first attracted me enough to consider recover when i was on the verge of falling over into a life of using on the down-low. i may have gotten away with it for long enough to get out from under the judicial sword, but looking at my life now, i am quite certain that i would have cheated myself out of he life i may have well deserved, all over the thrill of getting away with something and the momentary pleasure of getting high. i do not need to inventory the life i have built in recovery to see what i would have missed, but it is good for me to remember what i felt in the moment before turning down the opportunity to get high far from home and far from the eyes that were starting to know me.
where once i lived in abject fear of relapse, because of the consequences to my freedom, today i understand that relapse is always a possibility. the difference today, is that relapse is a choice i can make at any time. because i am connected to a fellowship of like-minded individuals, i know what happens when i decide that i am different. i know that i am an addict in recovery. i know that i have a place in the rooms, because of anonymity. that place is not above or below anyone else, which for me, is certainly a change in perspective. just for today, i can walk forward in the light of that knowledge and not be afraid of what recovery may bring to my table.
today, as i sit on my patio playing around with AI and considering how i interact with me peers and my spiritual progarm, i understand that anonymity was what first attracted me enough to consider recover when i was on the verge of falling over into a life of using on the down-low. i may have gotten away with it for long enough to get out from under the judicial sword, but looking at my life now, i am quite certain that i would have cheated myself out of he life i may have well deserved, all over the thrill of getting away with something and the momentary pleasure of getting high. i do not need to inventory the life i have built in recovery to see what i would have missed, but it is good for me to remember what i felt in the moment before turning down the opportunity to get high far from home and far from the eyes that were starting to know me.
where once i lived in abject fear of relapse, because of the consequences to my freedom, today i understand that relapse is always a possibility. the difference today, is that relapse is a choice i can make at any time. because i am connected to a fellowship of like-minded individuals, i know what happens when i decide that i am different. i know that i am an addict in recovery. i know that i have a place in the rooms, because of anonymity. that place is not above or below anyone else, which for me, is certainly a change in perspective. just for today, i can walk forward in the light of that knowledge and not be afraid of what recovery may bring to my table.
∞ DT ∞