Some memes

me, one of the tribe! the longer i stay clean, the more i realize how true that statement is. when i was running and gunning, i never seemed to belong anywhere, even though i did my best to be seen everywhere. not as myself of course, as that would be the end of any connection. i did necessarily want to be in the spotlight , but i certainly had the desire to step out of the shadows as i stood next to the wall. when i got clean, found the ways and means to be in the spotlight, but i still did not feel as if i belonged. sure i was of service and had all sorts of visible recovery, but inside i was still a fucking mess that i was unwilling to reveal to anyone. yes, i was one of those who “shared for the newcomer,” even when i was just barely past being a newcomer myself. doing so, IMHO, made me look good in the eyes of my peers and kept them out of the mess that i was.
these days, with few twenty-four hours under my belt, i am happy to be one of the crowd and let other feel the mess that is me, from time to time. most of the time, that mess, is not a whole lot and might be described as “first world” problems. other times, it is a torrent of raw emotion and foul language. the simple fact is because i feel a part of the fellowship and connected to my peers around the world, i no longer need to hide who and what i am in the shadows. just for today, i can be who i am, wherever i am and not have to worry about what others thing, at least eight times out of ten. i am still working on the other two cases. 😏

∞ DT ∞