ΞΌ in addiction, my best thinking kept me from clearly seeing either the world or my part in it ΞΌ
Posted: Thu, Oct 11, 2007 06:55:40 AM
recovery serves to correct the prescriptions in my attitudinal eye wear.
over the past few days, well actually more like the past ten days, i have been going through one of my petulant little phases of everyone around here just plain sucks when it comes to helping me in my recovery. they share the same old drivel, whine about the same old sh*t, and continually sport the most tired and worn out clichés! yet i can continue to go to meetings, BUT i have been leaving right away, and isolating myself from the local fellowship. the irony here is that, nothing has changed PERIOD, meetings are meetings and in my experience no matter where i go, i will be able to recreate the same attitude within myself. so the solution seems to be a look inside to see why i am, once again in this particular spot, when the truth of the matter is that nothing has really changed externally. could it be that i need to complete my current assignment? or perhaps put more time and energy into meditation? or even <gasp> just let go of my expectations and see what happens?
the answer and the solution probably lies in doing all of the above, and more than likely a formal tenth step writing session is called for this evening. and that is what i9 really like most about the program of recovery. after being here a little while i have the understanding to see myself drifting or rocketing into places that are not healthy for me. and i have the means to divert or stop that particular side trip before i get lost in the detour of active addiction. anyhow, yes i am finding the people in recovery to be dull and not worth hanging out with these days, and yes i know they have not really radically changed over the past ten days, so the problem must be with me. since the problem is that my lenses are out of adjustment, it is time to clean them off and see the world around me as it really is instead of through the haze of my disease. life is not bad, but i can make it better, if i allow the tools i have to do their work.
so i already feel a touch better, puking always seems to helps. hope you did not get too much on you!
over the past few days, well actually more like the past ten days, i have been going through one of my petulant little phases of everyone around here just plain sucks when it comes to helping me in my recovery. they share the same old drivel, whine about the same old sh*t, and continually sport the most tired and worn out clichés! yet i can continue to go to meetings, BUT i have been leaving right away, and isolating myself from the local fellowship. the irony here is that, nothing has changed PERIOD, meetings are meetings and in my experience no matter where i go, i will be able to recreate the same attitude within myself. so the solution seems to be a look inside to see why i am, once again in this particular spot, when the truth of the matter is that nothing has really changed externally. could it be that i need to complete my current assignment? or perhaps put more time and energy into meditation? or even <gasp> just let go of my expectations and see what happens?
the answer and the solution probably lies in doing all of the above, and more than likely a formal tenth step writing session is called for this evening. and that is what i9 really like most about the program of recovery. after being here a little while i have the understanding to see myself drifting or rocketing into places that are not healthy for me. and i have the means to divert or stop that particular side trip before i get lost in the detour of active addiction. anyhow, yes i am finding the people in recovery to be dull and not worth hanging out with these days, and yes i know they have not really radically changed over the past ten days, so the problem must be with me. since the problem is that my lenses are out of adjustment, it is time to clean them off and see the world around me as it really is instead of through the haze of my disease. life is not bad, but i can make it better, if i allow the tools i have to do their work.
so i already feel a touch better, puking always seems to helps. hope you did not get too much on you!
∞ DT ∞