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faith, self-honesty, humility, and responsibility, the steps help me see my life in a whole new way. well, i can certainly say that this is true for this step cycle. more than likely it was also true for my previous step cycles. what i know for a fact, that how i see my life toady is most certainly different than when i was in active addiction, when i was fresh off the boat so to speak in early recovery, and even different than five years ago. i can probably stick my neck out even further and say how i view my life today, is different than how i saw it a year ago. so what exactly does that mean? well it could mean that my life is undergoing drastic changes, and it is. i would venture to guess, that even if all the material change s that have occurred since i came to recovery, were able to occur for me while i was in active addiction,i would probably not be as nearly grateful for them as i am today. that i would have earned college degree, been able to purchase not one but two houses, and own a car with current tags and insurance on it, are so far out of the realm of reality for this addict when he was using, that this was stuff of pipe dreams -- and i mean that in the most literal sense.
as i look at my life today, i am struck by not only the material gifts that i have been given, but the emotional and spiritual ones as well. i have the desire to stay clean today, no matter what. what an amazing concept, that i do not have to use today. another amazing concept, is that it does not suck to me today. after a long chain of days in a row like that, even those where i was frustrated and wished i could crawl back into bed and let the world pass me by, i am starting to believe that no matter what, it will not suck to be me today. if it does not suck to be me, than there is no reason to cling to those parts of me, that i have always believed kept me protected from the real world. if surrender those parts of me, than i get even better. OMIGAWD! this is evidence of a self-reinforcing feedback loop. the positive changes manifest further positive changes and the next thing i know, i have yet another spiritual awakening and who knows where that will take me.
anyhow, i do believe that i will sign-off here, with the HOPE that i can maintain this loop, and complete my current step cycle, with an eye towards where i might be going in the future.
i am off to get gassed up and ready to drive to meet my sponsee for his fifth step.

∞ DT ∞