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i have to bring my ideas in line with reality.
the metaphor of seeing the world through the lenses of my attitudes and beliefs, as if they were eyeglasses, is an interesting one, and not too terribly offensive to me this morning. i guess after so many go-arounds through this cycle of readings, they start to get trite, or i start to get jaded. either way, the nice part is, today i am okay with commenting on the content and mostly leaving the vehicle alone.
before this last set of steps, i used to think that being dark and cynical, was part of my reality perception that was ruled by addiction. while it may have been hijacked by the part of me i call addiction, i am seeing that it really is how i see the world. whether i have an inherent gift, or this was cultured into me, it really does not matter, i can still be who i am, without having to abandon any part of me. before my recent understanding of who i am, through the eyeglasses of the steps, i see that this is not a side of my personality that i can ignore any longer, nor should i want to or have to apologize for it. in fact, most of my humor comes from this side of me, as well as the notions of what i need to do, to protect myself from those less than savory aspects of the world around me. i am starting to see, that by shaming myself for having what looks like an undesirable attribute, and suppressing its expression in totals, was no moire genuine, than living through it 24/7. it is becoming clear to me, that just allowing that side of me to be expressed, in the here and now, just for today, i do less and less harmful things when i do express that side of me.
so back to the topic at hand, understanding that i may have a cynical take on the world around me, is a clarification of my view of reality. yes, it still may not actually match 100% with what is really going on around me, but the truth is, all reality is relative to the human being experiencing it. what the steps do for me, is to bring my perception back towards the middle of the back, far from the edges of the long tails of the normal curve of human perception. yes knowing what is causing me to see the world the way i do, is actually part of the solution, rather than just another diversion or excuse. of course, the world is not a dark and dreary place, that is out to get me, and that no one gets out alive. nor is the world rainbows and unicorns, where the sun shines all the time, and everyone can get everything their little heart's desire. what the program allows me to do, is see the middle ground and as a result live a life that, for the most part enhances the lives of those around me, rather than degrading them. what i am beginning to see, is that although my view is one from the center of the universe, the universe does not spin around me. when someone accuse me of being rude, because they asked someone else to get in touch with me, perhaps i can their point. perhaps, they have yet to glimpse that respecting the wishes and desires of others is nearly as important as acting out of their own wishes and desires. so as i prepare to go out into the world to earn my daily bread, which is nowhere as evil and heinous as i once believed, i will be okay knowing that how i see the world, and how close that vision is to reality is in direct proportion to how spiritually i am living today.

∞ DT ∞