Blog entry for:

my perception of the world is filtered through the collection of my ideas and attitudes, that implies that my world view can be changed by periodic examination and adjustment, kind of like how the optometrist adjusts my glasses to allow me to see the reality of the world around me. the tool i choose to use to provide that periodic examination is my tenth step but since the reading is more general than a specific step, i believe i will ramble on about reality and my perception of it.
there are days when it seems to me that everyone and everything is against me. there are days when i feel that butt of some cosmic practical joke that everyone else in on except me. and there are days when it seems that i do not fit anywhere and never will. thank GOD that those days are few and far between these days. in active addiction, everyday was like the three examples listed above, and my only escape was using someone or something to make myself feel better. it did not take away my feelings, but it allowed me to survive without becoming homicidal. these days i know that i am loved and worth something and i can have a bad day or three without it being some sort of divine conspiracy against me.
so all this brings me to a conversation with a chronic relapser i have had the privilege of sponsoring for almost two years. his perceptions of the world are not mine and listening to him, reminds me of how i was, and what my first sponsor had to endure when i was getting clean and in early recovery (and those are really two separate events for me). anyhow, the words i said to him yesterday ring in my ears, causing me to rethink my position on a number of things. perhaps a new prescription for my spiritual lenses is in order and a readjustment of my ideas and attitudes is called for. or maybe not! i will let go and see what happens.
∞ DT ∞