π a horrible place π
Posted: Sun, Oct 11, 2020 02:19:37 PM
one could certainly argue that in these plague times, filled with political unrest and divisiveness, that the world, at least looking at the big picture, is an apt description. i do not see anything getting better any time soon and the toll that COVID fatigue is taking on my emotional state, leads to hours and some time days of a less than stellar attitude and frustration. i certainly could stay there, doing my best to “accept” what is beyond my power, or as i choose to do, look at what is not only tolerable, but highly acceptable in my little corner of the world.
when i bring the focus back to me and what i am doing to affect the world around me, i can see my “bad” attitude and defeatism is not spreading a whole lot of HOPE. where is the gratitude for the “good stuff?” where is my ability to see the “positive” aspects of people taking care of others and promoting their “good stuff?” the answer to both of those questions, is that it is within me, to see the shades of grey between the “horrible world” and results of living an active program of recovery. moving into the binary world of horrible and perfect, is not a place this addict needs to go. it is, as one of the men i sponsor said yesterday, my addiction taking hold and providing the evidence i need to do something that i will regret.
i did run and walk five miles today. i have a roof over my head and the means to keep it there. i have not used in several thousand days and do not have the desire to use today. i am not infected with COVID and can continue to check in on my parents with no worries about bringing the virus into their home. on that note i will let go of those who are too selfish to wear a mask in public and who feel uneasy about the results of social justice and go watch some football. it is a good day to be a part of some sort of solution, instead exacerbating the problem.
when i bring the focus back to me and what i am doing to affect the world around me, i can see my “bad” attitude and defeatism is not spreading a whole lot of HOPE. where is the gratitude for the “good stuff?” where is my ability to see the “positive” aspects of people taking care of others and promoting their “good stuff?” the answer to both of those questions, is that it is within me, to see the shades of grey between the “horrible world” and results of living an active program of recovery. moving into the binary world of horrible and perfect, is not a place this addict needs to go. it is, as one of the men i sponsor said yesterday, my addiction taking hold and providing the evidence i need to do something that i will regret.
i did run and walk five miles today. i have a roof over my head and the means to keep it there. i have not used in several thousand days and do not have the desire to use today. i am not infected with COVID and can continue to check in on my parents with no worries about bringing the virus into their home. on that note i will let go of those who are too selfish to wear a mask in public and who feel uneasy about the results of social justice and go watch some football. it is a good day to be a part of some sort of solution, instead exacerbating the problem.
∞ DT ∞