Blog entry for:

i know that this was yesterday's JFT topic but i read today's topic yesterday, so being the obsessive compulsive type that i am, to make things right i needed to read yesterday's this morning
anyhow..
this is very applicable in my life right now. i behaved very badly last night when dealing with an issue between myself and another member who chooses to call me his sponsor, but that may be changing. looking at my behaviors in isolation i could of course justify and rationalize very easily but the fact of the matter is that i was needlessly hurtful. i allowed my passion about an issue and my emotional response to overwhelm and rule my behaviors last night and as a result now have an amends to make and damage to repair. whether i was right or wrong in my belief is an outside issue, how i choose to express myself was wrong and that is the core of the amends. toady i do understand that there are consequences to my actions and i would love to say that i always act in a rational and calm manner regardless of how passionate i believe something. the truth of the matter is that i am only human and can get carried away to places by my feelings that i regret. do i regret taking the action i took last night??? yes and no. i regret not allowing the spiritual principles of this program to work for me. i regret no allowing myself the time to process and reach a place of sanity before proceeding on the course of action i took last night. i do not regret that i felt passionate and emotional. i do not regret saying what i believe needed to be said. and today i am more than willing to accept the consequences of my actions good or bad. what can i take from this experience?

• the self-knowledge that i still have passion about some things and can get carried away if allow myself to do so
• the fact that i am still only human and regardless of how many days clean i have or how many steps i have worked that i can be wrong
• and the belief that i am still loved and accepted by a POWER greater than me, even if i behave badly

so my course lies ahead, get through today the best i can and promptly make amends for my behavior accepting once again the consequences of my behavior
DAMMIT!
-- DT --