Blog entry for:

as it really is and not as how i would like to be, is quite a feat, even for someone with a bit of clean time under their belt. before i get rolling, in case you have not figured me out, yet, i am more than a little bit cynical and embrace that part of me, as part of me and not something that necessarily needs to be removed. that does not mean that all i see is the dark side of life in these times, but i certainly tend to see more darkness than most of my peers. they have a right to see the world any way they choose to see it and i will defend that right to the very end. here is where the big but comes in, BUT, more often than not, they fail to see what is happening right in front of their eyes and end up stumbling over an large, immutable and immovable object that is plainly visible for all to see. there was a rime, i was in the same boat, as i driven to force myself to be “positive” putting a spin on all that i saw, because i thought it was “GOD's will” for me. what i uncovered is that all i really wanted to do is “fit in” and that was one of the means i believed would make it so. today, i have no problem trying to fit in, as i know how useless and pointless it is to be something i am not.
what this is all leading up to is this: at the meeting last night, a peer shared their heretical beliefs about the 12 step fellowship that has given me the manner of living i enjoy today. i chose “heretic” for a reason, as they suggested that 12 step fellowships in general were a “religion.” being a card-carrying member of one of those fellowships, i could have been insulted and felt disrespected. instead i was intrigued, but they quickly moved on to some more personal bits, that for me explained where they were coming from. that addict, if they are really an addict, has yet to come to terms about what addiction is and is not. it is not up to me nor the group to convince them that they have not seen the light and “love them into the fold.” the fact of the matter is, until that person is willing to open their mind to what is being offered, they cannot get what is being given away.
ah, but enough of writing about someone else. as i hear the voice of my heart this morning, i can certainly see, that when my fellowship is viewed through a slightly different set of lenses, its religiosity is quite evident. there are “sacred” texts, rituals, beliefs in what cannot be quantified and a dogma of sorts. the fact of the matter, is that i am adherent to this way of life and as anti-religious as i may be, i can certainly see their point. instead of feeling disrespected by what i heard, i was intrigued enough to take off my lenses this morning and look at the notion i was presented with last night. that does not mean i will be running for the door tearing out my hair and pretending the world is coming to an end, but it will mean that when i share i focus on carrying the message that an addict seeking recovery from addiction, can find the means to do so, here in the fellowship i call my home.
with that thought in mind, it is time to wrap this up and head on down to my place of gainful employment, just for today.

∞ DT ∞